Monday, March 18, 2024

A Sweet Note from Across the Ocean to Gently Correct my Mistake

                        These two locations seem so far apart but not in the world we live in today. 

 Jakub is living in New Mexico with Ronnie B and me while he holds a post doc in nuclear physics position at our national lab. His sweet Mama remains in his home in the Czech Republic. Although we have never met, Jana reads my blog and often tells Jakub what is going on in our home even when he is unaware. The day I sadly backed Lissa’s car into Natalie’s car right outside his bedroom window is an example of that. Jakub had no idea until his Mom told him what happened. This just amazes me that a sweet lady from across an ocean has become a part of our story, our family. I love that I get to be Jakub’s American mom while he is far away from his own. 

A couple days ago I wrote a blog that included a list of my grand kiddos and great grands. Jana private messaged me to point out that I forgot to include Felix and she was concerned that it would hurt Natalie’s feelings. I quickly corrected my mistake and was so thankful for her letting me know. 

Dear Barbara, good morning to you. It is already late afternoon here. I read a beautiful long list of grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Felix is not on the list. I’m writing before your daughter notices so she doesn’t get offended. Today is exceptionally sunny here, otherwise it was cloudy for a long time. The snow in your place is like in a fairytale. I think of you all with love. Jana

I love that we get to have Jakub here as a part of our family and that he shares the antics of not only Felix but also little Caleb. Jakub has watched Caleb grow from a newborn to a rambunctious seventeen month old. It makes me giggle that he watches cautiously because he has never been around wee ones much. I am beyond grateful for the connection we have with Jana and that she and I share a mother’s heart. What a gift it is when we open our lives to let others in. I am blessed. 

In Him,

Joyful

3-18-24 

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Delicate Snowfall to Embracing Moms

 




It is once again snowing this morning and as I look outside I see a seemingly pregnant deer grazing on the crabapples the wind has knocked to the ground. What a peaceful scene I am privy to. So I made my coffee and just drank it gazing out the window over my kitchen sink. What a sweet, quiet beginning to my day. 

This week has been a quieter week with my grandgirl, Elissa, and her seventeen month old gone for spring break. Today I will finish my coffee, write this blog and head down to pick them up from the train two hours away. Soon my car will be full of conversations about their trip and the joy that little Caleb brings with his antics. It is unclear how long this little family will live in the same town as I do. But I know I need to cherish not only the quiet times when they are gone but all the joyfilled ones when they are here. 

Yesterday, Ronnie B and I were talking on FaceTime with our little Millie who is two and a half. She lives hundreds of miles from us but we stay connected through visits and technology. It occurred to me how many littles are in our lives and what a gift they are. So I decided I needed to list them by age just for my own self but you can join me below. 

In May we will welcome our first great- grandgirl Maeve.

Maeve -2 months.                                                                                                                                          Auggie 6 months.                                                                                                                                           Caleb 17 months                                                                                                                                          Millie 2 1/2 years                                                                    Felix 4                                                                                                                                         Amalia 10                                                                                                                                                  Timmy 14.                                                                                                                                                     Kayla 16 in a couple weeks.                                                                                                                     Kenzie almost 18                                                                                                                                         Elissa almost 20

What a charmed life I lead with all these grands in my life. I am thankful for the quiet but beyond thrilled that there is also the chaotic joy of having grandkids. Along with these that I love dearly are so many other chosen children that share their wee and not so wee ones with my. 

Angelica with her two, Jenn and Justin Nunz who have their three, my Houze clan who boast a whopping five, and others I may be forgetting since I haven’t poured my second cup. My life is so full of love and gladness. 



I want to share this with others who either don’t have kiddos in their life or who have them living far away. The idea of us white haired ladies embracing moms in our community has been on my heart for years. Just an hour donated here or there to walk beside a mom whose own mom may not be available. I have been too distracted or lazy to make this a reality. Now a staff at the senior center is willing to talk to me about making it a reality. All of us need littles in our lives whether from the neighborhood, church or someone you meet in line at the grocery store there are moms of toddlers and teens who could use you. 

What a win-win situation. Mom gets a much needed conversation or break from her kids and us seasoned moms get a family in our community to light up our days an hour or two at a time. This Embracing Moms is a concept that God put on my heart over a decade ago. Now is the time to give it wings. 

In Him,

Joyful

3-16-24


Friday, March 15, 2024

In the Meantime Withdraw and Regroup……It is what Jesus Did


 You have to pause and spend time with someone to have intimacy. Jesus modeled this as He withdrew to spend time with His Father. Even when life is beyond busy it is important to sneak away and just be still. 

Meanwhile means that God’s plans and purposes are being worked out in out lives even if we don’t see them at the present time. 

Sometimes it is time to just breathe and not try to rush forward to fix. Sometimes it is good to just sit and be rather than forcing a solution. Whatever the circumstances whether preparing for something new, making a crucial decision or after a long season Jesus withdrew to soak in His Father’s presence. This is a good example to us to live the same. Wrapping ourselves in the scurry and busy of life is not usually the most productive. Even in grief we need to just sit in our sorrow and allow ourselves the time needed to grieve. 

I am not always good at the slowing down that I need. It seems at times when any of us is too stubborn and just pushing through that is when a head cold shows up or a long awaited phone call from a friend. Then we actually take at least a bit of time to slow, rest and withdraw. 


Today Ronnie B and I woke to a beautiful blanket of fresh snow. It was the perfect morning to sit in the hot tub on the back porch and watch the flakes float to the ground. Everything was quiet and peaceful just what we needed to begin our day. Hope you are able to withdraw for a bit today and take a deep breath. When people say what would Jesus do? He showed us clearly in any situation He would withdraw and regroup before taking next steps. 

In Him,
Joyful
3-15-24

Thursday, March 14, 2024

A Hot Tub, Snowflakes and so many Giggles

 A little hot tub full of hot water and a gentle snowfall was just the backdrop Jenn and I needed to unwind with whiskey and wine. It seems like a long week this week and unknowing to one another we both just needed to connect, laugh and share. I had my mama’s red glasses, the Czech shot glasses from Jakub and his sweet mama, and caffeine Diet Coke for good measure. Jenn drank her wine and I had my Gentlemen Jack to help us relax in this perfect setting. 


A few others were included eventually. Marcie was walking her pup, Jasper, by the park and Jenn hollered over for her to come over. Our neighbor had put Ivy in my backyard to play with Cora so Jasper joined their fun while we visited with Marcie. Jenn and I cozy in the hot tub and Marcie in her down jacket, gloves with a beautiful shot glass full of whiskey. Needless to say we were all toasty as we laughter and shared what had been going on in our lives. Jenn and Marcie with new jobs and me with a desire to be a podcaster. 

Later, we called Susi and Kim to share our silliness with them. They graciously giggled with us even without whiskey or wine. That’s what friends are for. For distracting one another for a few moments from the day to day with joy. Oh what a lovely way to end a hump day whether you are working or retired. All of us with or without shot glasses need to spend time just enjoying time together. I’m so glad Marcie, Susi, and Kim could join us even if they didn’t dip a toe into the warm water. 

In Him,

Joyful

3-14-24

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Not This Too Will Pass But That Good Will Come From Even This


Not this to will pass but that good will come from this is my truth.
Something’s don’t ever pass but there is always good that comes from it if we just allow it. 

We live a life that will sometimes feel like a pile of poo. Whether it is from bad decisions we made or others made or just the way life unfolds. 
What I know is that each of us grow not from the sunny days but the days all hell breaks loose.
What we need to remember is that we don’t need to slap on a fake smile and say……
God said be thankful in all things. 
Remember He didn’t say be thankful for all things but be thankful in all things because He is with us and will walk with us to the other side whatever the other side looks like. 
Life is hard.
Don’t walk alone through it but hand in hand with those that are there for you no matter the circumstance.
Good will come out of all.
Even heartcrushing circumstances can make us that person who can be there for others.
Facebook groups give us a wealth of people who have gone before us and an opportunity to share.
Losing my son to suicide has been the most difficult event of my life. 
It has also given me a boldness and opportunity to share my story with so many others. 
With mixed emotions Ronnie B and I have been given the task of being there as others have lost a child no matter the circumstances. 

I know that I would change this part of my life if I could have my Scooter back in my arms.
But because he is not here I have walked with others in a way that is because I lost him too soon.
So although it is painful good did indeed come from his death. 

I would love to share my story with a copy of my journey journal in book form. Leave your information in the comments and I will send you a free book of my heart, my story. 
Share your story.
It connects us all and that is the good that comes out of each of our lives.

In Him,
Joyful
3-13-24

 

Thursday, March 7, 2024

Life Flows By Year By Year, Decade By Decade

 


Barbara
Barb
Barbie
Barbs
Mrs. Barber
Mommy
Noni

The names of this face that I still smile with have evolved over a lifetime. 
Only my dad, grandpa called me Barbie.
Nobody was allowed to call me Babs.
But my favorite of names have to be Mommy and Noni.

Our sweet smiles remain the same as our face transforms from a wee one to sixty something Noni.
What I love about looking back on the faces of me over my life is the people who are in the photos with me.I have never been much about liking or sharing pictures of myself. But looking at my expression in this picture creates a story of who I was when someone snapped this photo. 

Incredible that today I have a great-grandson about the same age I was here. Life has been good to me. It is evident in the photos that are in photo albums or photos waiting to be put in an album. My mom was great at capturing moments with a camera. I wish I was better at remembering to document with a lens. 

Today I am only weeks away from my sixty-eighth birthday. Luckily, Susi will always be older than me. But I know that seventy will be here in a blink of an eye. What I hope is that I can somehow focus on the freedoms that this age give me rather than the fact that my friends and I are in our last decades or years of this life.
 I miss having my kids at home but I love the quiet mornings where I don’t have to get them ready for school.
I miss teaching my kiddos at school but don’t miss the politics of school life.
I miss playing on the merry-go-round but I love reading in my hot tub. 

It is a sweet time of life with Ronnie B and I enjoying trips to visit family or swim in the Bahamas. Time with friends just chatting casually sweetens my day. What I love most is having others who share common  memories that we can laugh about. There may be a liar’s dice story that I need to take to the grave. But most stories throughout my life have been shared on this blog. I have been reading back through my fourteen years of blogging to get content for my podcast. What a gift I gave myself when I began writing more regularly. Not only do I love the words but the fact that writing them was such therapy to me. 




So here I sit waiting to babysit a seventeen month old whose mom is my grandgirl. God is good to allow me to be all the names and faces as time continues to unfold. 

In Him,
Joyful




Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Tomorrow I will Appreciate Today

 Oh what a day, oh what a day. I’m eight years old and turning grey. Shel Silverstein


Do you all have sayings that just stick in your head? This one sticks in mine when a day is going horribly wrong. I even used it in my class when things were just off to a bad start. Often we would shut off the lights and have a start over to begin again. When Ryan was little he would get in a certain, exhausting mood that could only be changed with a nap. He would then wake up with a reset attitude that both of us could live with. 

A friend asked me yesterday if it was okay to include another friend on our outing today. I reluctantly agreed. It was not that I didn’t want this person to come but that I am having a difficult time socializing with all but my closest peeps. My first instinct was to say yes then figure out a way to bail on the trip and stay home. But here I am dressed and ready to leave in twenty minutes. I did ask if I could sit in the back so I wouldn’t have to be so much of the conversation. Being an observer is easier for me right now. 

I am really trying to get out with people. Katie and Jenn have managed to get me to the senior center a few times for lunch. Ronnie B gets me out for breakfast with friends or a beer at the Tub. Yes, we go drink beer at the tub. It is not filled with water but others who enjoy going to this, our local brewery. But my preference is to be home alone or with the handful of friends I feel like I don’t have to energy up to be around. The same is true of phone calls. I have a list of people I want to call. I mean to call. I say I am going to call. But somehow I just never do.

 This sounds like a pity party but the truth is this long Covid has zapped my energy in more ways than


one. Not only can I not physically do what I did but emotionally I get exhausted from even a simple conversation. How can that be? This past week I have had extensive tests to investigate just why I am struggling with low oxygen and low energy. Even getting the answers both gives me hope and terrifies me.  I am trying to remember even if not what if God has me and my circumstances. 

My friend noticed that I seemed flat yesterday. I shrugged it off that I am all good. Why can’t I admit when I am in a funk? People want to embrace me even when I am down, especially when I am down. 

So I will go on today’s outing, sit in the back seat and crochet, and wear my oxygen when I need to. If I need to just stay in the car for parts of the day I will be honest about that too. My heart wants others to let me into whatever is going on in their hearts. I need to trust my people with allowing them to see even my fears. Faith over fear is a great tag line but honesty is also the best policy. Others can’t let me lean on them if they aren’t allowed to see I am wobbly. Hope you all have an honest, wonderful day filled with those who support you.

In Him,

Joyful

3-6-24