King of Hearts

Jenn is right when she says we judge others' outsides by our insides because I am keeping up a pretty good facade for the world around me. But my grief, from losing my 24 year old son to suicide, has cycled back to where it is hard to keep food in my stomach or sleep at night. Drinks of any kind have been tough on my stomach through most of this journey. Don't get me wrong, I could use the food repulsion to lose weight and that would be a blessing. In fact, my friends and I have been jealous of those who just aren't interested in eating in the past. But I am finding it hard to even function in my daily routines right now. Tears flow and I yearn for my bed with the door closed tight.

So tonight I had a breakthrough! Ryan can be represented by the multitude of things in his life he treasured like his friends, cooking, fishing, skateboarding, unfortunately shot glasses and the list goes on. But here I sit at 2:20 AM and it hits me.

THE KING OF HEARTS is a perfect symbol for Ryan! His name means king and he has left his incredible loving spirit in the corner of all our hearts. Perfect! This makes me smile so much just thinking of it. From now on when any of us plays cards we can give a quick kiss on the King of Hearts for Ryan and take the opportunity to send up a quick prayer for Elissa and Dorothy. I simply love that!

Miss you my son, the king of hearts.

In Him,
Joyful
3-11-11

SS