Compassion is Key, Faith in Heartcrushing Circumstance

That saying of pull yourself up from your bootstraps and get on with it is advice to tackle life on our own. The better advice may be to pause, pray for wisdom to move in the right response to what life is throwing at us. How many times have I rushed in believing I had the right way to handle a situation only to find out that my haste led me to the wrong actions? The older I get the more often I am aware that even when I know I am right about something, I can be wrong. 

This past weekend a family in our town lost their thirteen year old son to a tragic accident. Oh how I grieve for this family and all involved. Even as our hometown comes together to support this family the rumor mill is also sharing facts about what happened that may or may not be correct. I misremembered a street that I lived on for decades. How could my brain have not known the name of this street? But I knew I knew until someone pointed out that I was mistaken. Others are sure they know the circumstances surrounding this loss and sharing it confidently. First, does it matter? A child died. Second, the truth is not always found in the rumors even if you hear it from a reliable source. After all, I shared a fact about a street name that I lived on and I was wrong. Was I a reliable source? Absolutely not. 

What I know is that a family lost their precious son, brother, friend and are grieving. Our part is to give them the space they need to come together and pray for them. Whatever we can do to support others in a time of need is much more important than knowing the details of what happened and why. This hits close to home for me in a couple ways. When Tanner fell off the eighty foot cliff when he was a fifth grader our same community had many stories of what happened and why. Even though I am his mom and stood at the edge of the cliff while a firefighter brought him up on a backboard, I didn’t know what exactly happened. Even as that twelve year old son of mine is close to turning forty this year, I don’t know all the facts about that day. If I pretend to it is for my peace of mind not because I really understand. Bottom line is I don’t need to know but do need to have all the details. Again when we lost Ryan to suicide there were so many stories about the circumstances. People knew that they knew even as we as Ryan’s family can’t possibly understand all that was in his heart at that moment. Having compassion and loving others in difficult times is what our focus should be. 

Faith is the antidote of fear much more than courage. Someone told me once that they could not survive losing a child. I don’t think anyone has the courage to lose a child but our faith gets us through even the moments that are unbearable. I pray for the families involved in this recent loss. I also pray for those who have a need to know the circumstances rather than just embracing those who are hardly able to breathe from the pain. This is not me lecturing others. My first response was to know all the facts and even to share them. That’s how I know I misremembered a street name. This is me reminding myself that faith and courage are what I need to cling to even when my worst fears are realized. No family should lose a child. That is a fact that I know to be true. Please pray for our town and all who are grieving here. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-12-26

 

Memories are Made at Home or Aboard a Sailboat in Canada

 What a fabulous adventure my Ronnie B is on. I have no regrets not joining this trip with Paul and Cindy. It was the right choice for me to stay home and follow their journey, pictures, and words describing the trip. This photo is impressive of the peaceful voyage they are on. My hope is still to meet them in Victoria and travel the San Juan Islands back to Tacoma. But we will see if they are done and just ready to get back to life on land. Either way I am sure I made the right decision to stay home this time. 

I am currently in Lubbock looking forward to celebrating Kim’s fiftieth birthday and swimming in the hotel pool. Jenn and I came from New Mexico yesterday and will go back home Monday. A three day break from nightly bear activity. It has been a wild summer of bears in Los Alamos. They have been at our house nightly and even got into our mudroom when we carelessly left the door unlatched. Others have had them come in through windows and destroy their kitchens in search of food. We had a late freeze and there is no fruit in LA or White Rock this year. These intruders are just so hungry they are risking all to get a meal. Although I sympathize, I don’t want to share my home with them. 

Ronnie B and I have two more trips planned before the year ends. There is a time for everything. This time I needed/wanted to be home after six weeks in the northwest. But I will be ready to spread my traveling wings come October for Egypt and Kenya. Then we may end up on the Guthrie’s sailboat to the Bahamas for one last journey. The water on that trip will be much more welcoming for me to spend hours swimming. 

What a marvelous life Ron and I are enjoying whether together or miles apart. Life is pretty perfect for these seventy year olds who started out as high school sweethearts many moonrises ago. When I think of life now it is filled with contentment. Is it perfect? Nope. But it is mine and I wouldn’t change a thing. And I can’t wait to hug my Ronnie B whether it is in Canada or back here in New Mexico. I miss him but love the choices we both made this summer. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-8-26

New Beginnings, Connections, and Prayer

Yesterday was a good day. It was an answered prayer day in many ways. Tanner started a fabulous job and Nate got a job offer which will have him starting in a week or two. New beginning for both of these sons of mine. Thanks to all who pray for them and their families. I could tell Tanner was tired but excited at the end of his first day. God is good!

There is a way back from even the darkest moments. Now to continue to pray for my children to be in relationship with one another. God can do all things and even this. The family trips we took when they were young should be a catalyst to conversations. I know it will come until then I will be patient and pray. 

Lots of new beginnings as school starts and families prepare for getting back into routines. Kayla is off to college while her family adjusts to her being a few hours away. Life moves from season to season. I am no longer stepping to the front of a classroom but can spend some time praying for those who are. What a gift my life with students was to me. The beauty is that many of my littles are still in my life as adults, parents, worker bees. Each of us continues to have a role to play even as opportunities shift and change. There wont be lesson plans or behavior goals for me to write but there are other tasks for me to engage in. I hope to stay connected rather than fading into the background. Whether from coffee dates, social media presence, or quietly praying and reminding others I still care. My job is not finished even though I am retired. God gives each of us opportunities in all phases and stages of life. 

Nate and Tanner are beginning new adventures that will plug them into a work family. The right job is not just about a paycheck but who you interact with during your working hours. I pray for these new opportunities and the relationships they will create. Now I need to go sit at the park and let our Cora dog chase birds. Perhaps a new friend will walk by and chat for a bit. Or better yet, I can take her to the dog park and have a meet up with other dog lovers. I hope you have a wonderful day whether you are on a time clock or at coffee with a friend. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-6-26

 

Lovely Days at Home Getting Done What has been on my List for Years

 Oh what a beautiful sunset and now what a glorious morning. Can I share with you my week so far? I have been having a problem adding pictures for a few months. Yes, rather than investigate how to fix the problem I just kept going through useless steps first on this iPad then on iPhone to allow me to post. Well, a couple days ago my phone quit working, So I had no choice to a stop posting pictures or quit blogging. The third choice came to me this morning and I turned to the all knowing YouTube channel to show me what was wrong. When my devices updated it turned on enhanced restrictions. That caused the problem. I was the bigger problem in not figuring it out rather than doing digital cartwheels to do what I wanted on this site. Now I can load a picture on the first step rather than the fortieth. Silly me for not turning to YouTube to figure it out sooner. 

How many of us just deal with the frustrations rather than figuring out the best way to proceed? I know I do this in so many areas of my life. Whether it is YouTube or a trusted friend who knows more than me, I want to get advice to make life simpler from now on. For years Ron has wanted me to figure out how to get new screens for our old prerenovation windows that fit. I have called people and even ordered some that were just not right. Last week, I asked Jon who knows everything about everything and he measured and is going to figure it out. He is more qualified than me period. So I am hopeful that this seemingly impossible task will soon be solved. Then we can open a window without fear of critters flying in. But for now our windows are closed because bigger critters are crawling through our neighborhood’s windows and bears are destroying kitchens to find food. So I will wait patiently for Jon to get the correct screens and hope that next summer open windows will not be dangerous. 

Back to my week while Ronnie B is on his brother and sister-in-laws sailboat traveling around Vancouver Island for a month. I have tackled my upstairs bedroom. Every nook and cranny, drawer and cabinet and taken volumes to thrift stores and dumpsters. Why could anyone possibly need nine bottles of Vicks or enough sweatshirts to wear a different one every day of winter? I got rid of shoes, purses, medications that were dated back to early marriage days. I remind you that we just celebrated our forty-ninth this year. I am embarrassed to say I lost my hearing aids. This morning they are on their charger found in the back of my pj drawer. I could swear I looked there for them multiple times. Maybe the critter that got in my mudroom last night moved them.

It has been a productive week. Now I can die and not have Ron and others realize what a jam it in a spot and forget it person I really am. Angelica knows since she typically is here helping me rid out and organize. But this week I chose to put on my big girl panties or are they old lady panties now and tackle my messes on my own. There are no longer bins under my desk or drawers filled with Bahama money where pens, staples and notepads should be. I feel lighter and less guilty now that things are where they should be and there are reasonable amounts of items for me to live with. 

I hope you are having a fabulous week whether it includes clearing up from bad habits or just sitting on the couch with a good book or good friend relaxing. Next week I plan to begin weaving. Yes Susi, I bought the mini loom as a reward for getting rid of so much that was bogging me down. Until then I will finish up the last loads of laundry and perhaps even make my bed with the sheets that sat in the dryer for days. I am after all still human you know!

In Him,

Joyful

7-31-26

Captain Ron Knows Me and Loves Me Together or Apart

 Oh how I love this man. He has taken me on life’s adventures for over fifty years. I love his enthusiasm for life and is love for adventure. But mostly I love his love for me. Ronnie B is on a six week sailboat trip with his brother and sister-in-law around the Vancouver Island. I was invited of course and prayed about going with them. Even my sweet grandgirl, Makenzie, prayed for my decision. You see, I struggle with saying yes and worry when my heart is telling me no. But we had been on an rv trip for six weeks and only home for one. I simply was torn with going with the love of my life and being at home for awhile. Ron himself came up with the perfect plan. I will join them for the last week or two in Victoria and sail the San Juan Islands. The best of both choices is that I have had time to rest and just be at the home I love connecting with people I love here in our hometown. Then I can sail through waters I love even though they are too chilly to do much swimming. 

My greatest gift is not the opportunities I have had because of marrying this man almost fifty years ago. That he allows me to say yes and to say no when I need to and knows me well enough to make life fit for both of us. I mean who says no to a sailing trip with incredible views? But Ron recognized my need for home time. I love that about him. We both love doing life together but are also okay when we go off on our own. That makes sharing our separate moments even more precious. 

As you can see from the picture of Captain Ron, the weather and waters in Canadian waters are not the warm water I love to swim in when we go to the Bahamas. But I have a plan for that. I ordered a wetsuit and will hope to get in the water not just on the boat when I join the other Barbers in a few weeks. Ron is loving the trip and I am loving hearing his adventures. I am loving my time at home and love sharing all the stories of life here with my Ronnie B. Felix was here for a couple weeks, Nabin from Nepal is living with us for the summer, and the Margarita Trails lunches have been filled with friends and laughter. 

There are times when I doubt my choice to go or to stay. But this has been perfect and I chose well. Susi is here for the weekend which is a bonus! Girl time, me time, Felix time and just sitting on the patio reading a book in a monsoon thunderstorm have all made it clear that I needed this time at home. I feel so fortunate in my life right now. The people that I share life with make my life rich and I am content with this seventy year old version of me. The hustle and bustle of teaching and raising kids has been replaced with quiet days and also adventure filled ones. I could not ask for a better life or a better man to share it with. Thank you Ron for loving me just as I am and allowing me to be me. 

In Him,

Joyful

7-25-26

Am I Your Lighthouse Human? You are Mine!

I want to be a lighthouse human. A light to see that there is hope in any circumstance. To not be the one to minimize the pain or reality of a situation but to wrap my arms around others when the world is crashing.                                                                              I am beyond blessed to have people in my life that are  there for me when I am blinded by tears, grief, or uncertainty. Susi, Jenn, and Pat have walked beside me through the storms and always allowed me the room to grief while being close enough to reassure me that we can make it through even the darkest times. My survival depends on my faith and my family and friends to even be able to take one more step through the losses of life. Even when life doesn’t throw a loss but a worry over the outcome of a frightening situation, my people surround me and give me hope. They don’t pretend that all will turn out as I hope but that whatever lies ahead there won’t be a moment I have to step out alone.                                                        What comfort we can be to one another not when we sugar coat life’s challenges but rather just be present. Present to support, listen, and stay close enough to assure each other that none of us is alone. Life gets hard. Thankfully, there are also so many moments in life that are joy filled or downright silly. Our lighthouse friends are also there for us when we just want to have fun and be a bit ridiculous. The connection comes from walking life out together.

I hope and pray that each of you have those people in your life. There are of course more people in my life that step out with me but these three are my go to ones. Pat reminded me to go pee when my son, Ryan, died. Although she recently joined him in heaven, when I find myself busy and forgetting to stop to go potty, I wish she was here to remind me. Pat’s house was my peaceful place. I could go there and just be which was often what I needed. The coffee was hot and there was always plenty of pie to eat.  Susi has been with me for over fifty years. She has been my person driving through the night with three little boys to get to my dad when he found out he had cancer. Put up with my shenanigans in our college dorm and spent the summer we brought home a twenty-eight week preemie to take turns with two hour feedings. Natalie, our preemie is now a mom herself. Susi is special because she loves all the nooks and crannies of my weird and wonderful personality. To say I am random is the tip of the iceberg. Jenn lives across the street and knows when I need to be included or when I need to be left at home alone. We make snow angels, pass out random stuff to strangers just to brighten their days, and can sit having coffee for hours. We may not solve the world’s problems or even be able to fix what is broken in our kids lives, but we love one another and will jump in the car to make sure Tyler is alive or that Elissa is not overwhelmed. 

Look for lighthouse people. Be a lighthouse person. Let your lighthouses know that life would not be the same without them guiding your steps.

In Him,

Joyful

7-24-26

 

Felix Loves Spending Time with his Cousin Millie

Felix asked to help write a blog about his favorite cousin. 

 This is our grandgirl, Millie. She is full of laughter and excitement. It is wonderful that she lives in Washington near her cousins, Felix and Auggie. They don’t get to see each other very often but when they do  they have the best times of their lives. Whether they are at a trampoline park or hanging out in Noni and Papa’s rv. Felix says Millie is his most favorite cousin in the whole wide world. What does he love about her? She is playful and fun. They don’t ever get mad at each other. It is just great to play together and run around. Millie can be silly, funny, and crazy and that always makes him laugh. 

Felix is glad he has his other cousins like Dot, Caleb, and Mayve but his favorite time is when he gets to hang out with Millie. 

This summer Felix has been on a roadtrip with us for a month. He is excited to get back to his family in Washington. He will have fun playing with Auggie and snuggling with his mama and dada and playing with his kittens. But he also is looking forward to spending time with Millie.

In Him,

Joyful

7-15-26