Enjoying the Me that I am Today

I hate to admit that as I reached my seventieth birthday, it occurs to me that I was more critical than approving pictures of myself. How often did I slip behind others because I felt fat? Or shunned away from an opportunity to get a photo with a loved one because I didn’t have on makeup or my hair was a mess, it is rare when a person is happy with what their mirror reveals and that breaks my heart. I spent too much time believing that I was not the pretty one. I allowed that perception to steal my joy rather than embracing the moment. 

Here I am with white hair and more wrinkles than I thought possible but when I look at the me in this picture, I see beauty. Funny that what society would say had lost the sparkle is me now seeing my own. 

Life is not only about how we see ourselves on the outside but who we are and how we see ourselves as we relate to others and how we live our lives. Recently, I have been looking back on the accomplishments of the years that got me to this place. I am beyond grateful that I got to be Ronnie B’s wife and my kid’s mom. That I was able to impact families of my students and Young Life kids is one of my most treasured honor. 

Sometimes you hear the question if we could advise our younger self what would we say.  Well, I would say accept yourself. Love and embrace just how God made you. Don’t worry if your hair is too thin or your knees are knocked. Rather love yourself inside and out. Then I would tell myself to forgive me for missteps because they may take me down the wrong path but they also will teach me lessons I need to learn. Lastly, I would remind myself to focus on the gifts of life rather than the what ifs that may or may not happen. 

Matthew 22:39 says to love others as you love yourself. So it is God’s plan that I love myself so that I can love others and form the connections that make life so rich. It is not being conceited or arrogant to recognize the gifts God created in me that can bring others to Him. 

Here I sit writing on my iPad on my back porch with my coffee beside me and my dog and cat competing for my attention. It is so still right now. No kiddos are playing at the park behind my house. There is just silence as I look out over our yard. I love being seventy, wrinkles and all. There are more years behind me than in front of me and I am at peace with that. What I hope is that I enjoy these moments, reflect on the more hectic ones of raising kids, and know that whatever my future holds will be mine to press into. Missing my kids has been replaced with enjoying the quiet time I get to spend with Jesus rather than rushing everyone off to school. Spending so much time with Ron and knowing how fortunate we are to still enjoy each other all these decades later. There is time to read, have coffee with friends, walk our Cora, and just sip coffee as the sun rises between the trees. 

The photo in this post does not look like my senior photo but I find it more beautiful in so many ways. Life has been challenging and there have been heart crushing losses along the way. But God has always been with me to take the next steps. Here I am a wife, friend, mother, grandmother and even great grandmother who gets to spend time with those I love. There is nothing not to like about Barbara Friedman Barber at seventy. I only wish I would have recognized how fabulous I am when I was much younger. But maybe I needed those doubts to get me to the peace I have with myself today. So I will pat myself on the back, smile at myself in the mirror and stand out front for the photo. I hope you will do the same whatever season of life you are in.

In Him,

Joyful

9-7-26

 

What Can I Do to Serve Others on this Day?

I am writing this a few days ahead of 9/11 so that each of us has time to consider how we would like to spend the day in service to our community. Perhaps it will be helping out an individual or a group of people. Maybe it will be best spent rolling up our sleeves to help someone accomplish a task that they couldn’t possibly complete on their own. Or it may be taking a person who doesn’t typically get out to coffee or a delicious meal. Sometime listening to another is the best gift we can give them. Anyway we choose to serve will impact others and that is the point after all. Reframing this day of tragedy andf heartcrushing grief into one that not only brings us together but allows us to place our head on our pillow at the end of the day with a smile on our face and joy in our hearts. 

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice an be glad in it. Let us never forget the terror that came to our nation, the families that still grieve, or the heroes who ran toward danger to save others. But let’s also remember how it united us as a nation. How young men stepped up to enlist to defend our country and how flags flew over all of America as a symbol of One Nation Under God Indivisible. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-6-26

 

Loving My Kids Through My Changing Role as Their Mom and Trusting God with My Grown Children

How often through the years have I had to be reminded to get on my knees and turn my hands up surrendering my children and grandchildren to you, Lord. So often I grab my fix it wand and try to make things right in their circumstances. When they were small it was on me to protect and guide them through their early years. But as we know the job of a mother is continually diminishing. That is the way of life. Children grow from an infant needing all their needs meant to a toddler sitting at the table shoving chicken nuggets into their own mouths. Eventually, they don’t need us to drive them to all their practices but get behind the wheel and get their own their own. Then before we know it they are driving off to college and a dorm room that is not under our roof. 

It i difficult as a mom to release the control and protection we have over their safety. But that is our purpose. To raise children to thrive on their own with our prayers and listening ears always in the background of their lives. One of the biggest complaints my adult children have is that I give them unsolicited advice. Don’t get me wrong, I need to be present when one of them calls for a recipe or asks how to navigate a situation. But my role is not to pester them with how they should live their daily lives. What I have come to realize is that even if they take a misstep it is not the end of the world. Most of the time they will learn more from their mistake than they ever would from me fixing a problem for them. In fact, I am teaching them a lesson with each of my butting in moments. It can be that I cripple their growth by bailing them out over and over. Cleaning up their messes was my job when they were babies and needed a diaper change but eventually they needed to learn to pick up their own toys and manage their finances on their own. But it is os hard to put down my micromanaging wand and fade into the role God intended. 

A praying mom’s job starts before a baby is born and continues to her last breath. That is the consistency of motherhood. Loving and supporting our children even when their choices would not be our choices for them needs to be our focus. Lead with love when we interact rather than getting on our bully pulpit to pound some sense in them. After all, I have learned that I am not always right. Shocking but true. There is that question of how did you feel before you realized you were wrong. You felt like you were right. More and more often I am tuned into how wrong I can be in my thoughts, decisions and actions. Then I need to ask for forgiveness or correct my mistake. My prayer for me is to let love and kindness be the motivation in all I do just ads 1 Corinthians 16:14 says. I even had it tattooed on my wrist as a reminder. 

Forgiveness is mine. God forgives me and I need to forgive myself and then pray to do better especially with my own children. My seventy years of life have given me wisdom and the wises thing I can do is trust those I love to God’s loving hands and know that He loves them more than I do. That is hard to comprehend but oh so true. Trust, faith, love are what I need to hold onto when I sit in my home that is not an empty nest but one I choose to fill with others. Those precious children of mine may not lay their heads down under my roof but the memories are always present and my door is always open. Now Ronnie B and I share our home not with our children or even our grandchildren since they all have home of their own. Now we invite students, postdocs, and scientists to sleep in their rooms while they work in our hometown. What a gift to always have others in our home and to rest assured that God has His hands on our grown children even when we cannot physically kids them good night. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-5-26
 

Tim is a Junior and Loved by His Sisters Who Woke Up to See Him Off on Day One

 Our grandson, Tim, started his junior year of high school. His three sisters woke up early to wish him well. This is the first year Tim is going to school without one of his sisters since junior high. He is driving himself this year after years of riding shotgun. Kenzi is starting her junior year of college and soon Kayla will be off to her dorm room a few hours from home. Our almost five year old Millie will have one more year of preschool before kindergarten. 

I love the love and support these siblings show one another. They are a tight nit group that always has one another’s back. It i also true that they are each others favorite people to hang out with. Cam and Britt did it right raising these talented humans to not only be hard workers but also kind and caring Christians. I love seeing Tim’s cross around his neck. Soon he and Kayla will sing their last song on their churches worship team. There are a lot of lasts but also so many firsts. 

This family has changed a lot over the years. Adding Millie twelve years after Tim was born was such a gift. But these littles in this picture have turned into incredible adults and Ronnie B and I couldn’t be prouder of our grandkids. Enjoy your last couple years of high school Tim. We know you will rock it!

Just now Noni and Papa love you and couldn’t be prouder.

In Him,

Joyful

9-3-26

I Wanna Live LIke That and Hopefully not get Arrested

 I pride myself in being that random, weird person that others hold their breath to see what I might say. It is not easy being me. My mind is always coming up with inappropriate thoughts that I can only share a fraction of. My biggest fear is that as I head into the years of diminishing filters, I may be incarcerated for spewing my thoughts out into the world. 

This predicament is all my father’s fault. He taught me early that if I didn’t know an answer I should just pause and make one up. He also had a fabulous sense of humor and was quite the trickster. His laugh was by far my favorite. My mom would just shake her head and purse her lips when he got going. Most of his “only in his head” stories involved made up embarrassing moments about my mom. He told of them getting to a camp spot after dark and mom needing to find a bush to go pee. As she started her flow a man turned a flashlight on her derrière and said to move over that she was getting his sleeping bag wet. Of course that never happened or did it? 

My favorite people are those who will join in my tomfoolery and even elevate it to a different level. Susi gave me a shirt that says That’s a horrible idea, what time? Jenn gets me going until she or I pee our pants. Natalie can be just as random as me and will no doubt be with me in the back of a police car if one of us doesn’t come to our senses. Then there is Ronnie B who shakes his head like my mom did and reminds me……..filters, Barbara, filter. Like my mom, he knows it is useless to try to contain the wild hair when dad or I get going. That saying of I wanna live like that is in my head that I want to be unpredictable perhaps even shocking at times. 

So let’s all enjoy coloring outside the lines and laugh so hard we have to cross our legs. It is only the laugh lines that should cause wrinkles on our faces. Who wants to have frown lines after all. So act as if you are carefree even through the dark days. Wringing our hands won’t make our troubles any less. Splashing in puddles till our pants are soaked won’’t either but it is a whole lot more fun than staying dry inside. So if you like me wanna live like that let loose and do what seems inappropriate sometimes. Perhaps you will be laughing along with others. Maybe even a police officer.

In Him,

Joyful

9-1-26

Confession is about Letting Someone In

Confession isn’t about letting something out. It is about letting someone in. You might have made a mistake but you are not a mistake. 
 What does God say about me in my mistake? These are all questions Rich Wilkerson posed in his teaching this morning. It is important to trust someone with even your darkest thoughts and moments. But remember it is not about shouting it from a rooftop for all to hear and judge. That won’t bring you comfort or resolution. What you need to do is share with that one person who will guide you, advice you and love you through the darkness. The whole goal of sharing is to come out of the tunnel and back into the light. If your strategy is to seek advice or acceptance on social media or in a crowded room, I am afraid you will not achieve your goal. After the smoke clears others will still be judging your decisions. Bring your concern, sin, misstep to that one person you can trust with your life, your messes, and your sin. When you step out into the light this person will see the strength you showed not the wrong you walked through. Choose well. Choose one. You don’t need to poll everyone to know how to move forward. You need that one trusted friend who is more family than even those with the same blood. 

This teaching that touched me so powerfully this morning was divinely timed. Just yesterday I took a handwringing worry to a sister. She listened, advised, and loved me even in my pain. If you don’t have a person in your life like that, be that person for someone else. Then when you are in need they will bee there for you just the same. 

The worst thing we can do is walk alone through a fear or tragedy. Build a network of trusted confidants to circle you through good times and bad. Most importantly is the faith that this will remain between you and not be shared. You don’t need an army for most problems. But two heads are better than one. Bouncing off your next steps helps you to have confidence that you are on the right path and the clarity to see if you are going down the wrong one. 

Trust your gut and pray for not only the solutions to your situation but the right person to confide in. Then move toward the light with confidence together.. Prayerfully consider who you let in. Then both of you pray for wisdom to move forward together. Putting Christ in the center of your relationship and your journey is key. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26

Let Love and Kindness be the Motivation in all We Do……….That is how Dolly Lived!

 Oh what an incredible example for all of us on how to live, how to love and how to walk in faith. When everyone was wearing the WWJD bracelets to remind the what would Jesus do and how to live life, Dolly was walking those steps. Her mission here on earth was to bring joy to each of our lives through her moving songwriting, angelic voice, uplifting performances or her heart for allowing every child to read. Dolly is one of the examples of what Jesus did while he walked among us. The other is Jimmy Carter for his love and kindness through Habitat for Humanity. 

The people that we look up to as not heros but illustration of how to treat others should never fade. There are those who didn’t have the global impact that Dolly had but that just show us in their everyday kindnesses. What a gift it is when we live selflessly. It is not a gift to others as much as to ourselves. I am convinced Dolly would say she gained more than she gave because of her generous, joy filled life.

Her rewards are not only those she receives now in heaven but the moments she connected with others here on earth.She truly did live out 1 Corinthians 16:14 which happens to be my life goal verse. Let love and kindness be the motivation in all you do. When this is our measuring stick, we lean into the fruits of the spirit rather than getting caught up in the worldly gossip, judgement, and exclusion. What each of us does in our daily walk matters to others but in living out this verse we give the greatest gift to ourselves. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26