This Mother’s Day I was having a pity party for not being with my Mom or any of my kids and grandkids. Grieving the loss of my son and knowing so many other friends who are living with the same grief, some for the first time this Mother’s Day. Going to church and spending the day with Ronnie B. got me out of my funk. My sweet, insightful Natalie had just the words to melt my heart.
Natalie- I really do love you so much. It might not seem like it, but you, Dad. Tanner, Cam, Grandma and all the memories we’ve had are what fills my mind all day. Instead of creating new moments I get stuck in the nostalgia of the past and then frozen because it feels like things, “Will never be the same again.” We’ll never all be squished into the yellow camper van again yelling at each other about how much space Dad really does have in the back before he hits something.
You are my Mom. And if you hadn’t chosen me, well I would have chosen you. Failure and Barbara don’t fit in any sentence in my mind. Yeah sure, maybe some lady’s kids have never gotten their dad’s truck stuck on a stump and maybe they even have a couple kids of their own with a college education. I got Barbara Ann Barber as my mom though. That means that you always get to swim laps even if you are too little to swim and you have your chubby arms around your mom’s neck. (And you are so amazed at how she can swim, hold you on her back, and gracefully turn her head left and right for breaths every once and a while) It also means being taught how to be silly, using spoons as microphones, and how the value of shock and the unsuspected are some of your comedy 101 back pocket tools. You are generosity and grace.Nothing is yours because it’s all a gift to you anyway. You give because your heart is probably way too full. You wouldn’t lie and say that someone else’s eyes lighting up for a moment doesn’t make yours light up too. Everything I learned from you came not just from your sound advice and loving words (both of those are off the charts) but mostly it came just from watching you. At first, absorbing the world in part through watching you and then on my own with you always in my mind. Who you are has rubbed off on me and I’m gonna go on record and say that that is a GOOD thing. That is a powerful thing. You are not boring.You are the mom who advised us to spit or cuss but never do both at the same time. Maybe both now that I am an adult.
My prayer for you is that you would feel confident in who you are in every realm. You are a priceless wife, a rare daughter, a special mother, a future weaver and the most loved teacher. All of the thoughts in your head, they’re not coming from a creditable source and if you flip them on their head then you’ll find the truth. Because the enemy attacks our strong points because those are the most threatening.
Depressed? More like full of joy.
Broken family? Good luck! Try a family with a transcendent love.
Orphaned? Nah, more like loved and welcomed with warm, wide arms.
I love you. I wish I could be writing this sitting next to you. It would sound sweeter and I would be so ashamed of my grammar.
Natalie’s words from the heart were the most precious Mother’s Day gift. When I am feeling inadequate her love and this gift will lift me up and give me just the confidence she prayed for me.
ONE OF THOSE DAYS CONTINUED.....
3 hours ago