Adult Everyday Doesn’t Mean No Time for Rest

 Gone are the play dates where we just have to hop in our car seat and be driven to a friend’s for hours of play. Yet, it is simple for us to make a call and show up to go for a walk or a cup of coffee and catch up with a friend. 

Gone are the recesses where running for a swing hand in hand with a best classmate makes getting an empty one side by side so special. But we can tag along for a doctor’s appointment and chat on the way. Then we can be there as a second pair of ears and support whatever the physical uncovers. 

Gone are the sleepovers cuddled up with friends on our backyard trampoline believing that the shooting stars that light up the sky are just for us. Who knew that people all over the world are also marveling at them in early August. But the sharing of pictures of family and the encouragement of complimenting a fresh haircut can be just as magical. 

I am not envying my childhood years and that includes smooth, wrinkle free skin and an abundance of energy. Adulting has seasons. Some are hectic with tasks to complete while our homes are full of wee ones. Others fade into quiet mornings and time to read the book we pick up. Yes, in every season we have to live each day. How I wish I would have recognized sooner that adulting doesn’t mean never taking a much deserved break. Tasks must get completed but too often we put a lot of those on our plates that don’t need to be there. Busy is good. But rest is also important. They say you can’t see the forest for the trees. How often we miss connections because of getting everything accomplished for everyone. 

Slow down. Not give up. But don’t wait till you are seventy to spend quiet time. Embrace moments even in the chaos of jobs, family and sports schedules. You need to practice now so you will be an accomplished rested when the time comes. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-15-25

Our Millie Girl is Five!

 Happy, happy, happy fifth birthday to our rambunctious Millie. She is such a delight always exploring and trying new adventures. One of her favorite things is to spend time in Noni and Papa’s rv. Whether watching a movie, having a snack or just pretending to drive us on a road trip this girl can spend hours in our little casita on wheels. 

I love getting to spend time with this grandgirl who has so much enthusiasm for life and is always up to try anything. Having adult size siblings has encouraged her to jump in and do whatever they are doing. Everyone should be blessed with five grownups who adore you and encourage you to succeed.

So happy birthday Millie. Noni and Papa love you and are excited to see how you celebrate your big day.

In Him,

                                                    Joyful

                                                    9-14-26

Reframing How I Recieve

Cherilynn shared this magical photo of a lunar eclipse on Facebook. I absolutely love it! It made me think of how different our perspectives are in life. Most took their photo straight up looking only at the sky and capturing the moon in it. While my friend gave the moon a natural frame which totally shifted the perspective. 

I have been doing my best to reframe moments in my life that caused me pain. It is healthier to consider another person’s perspective than to put my own spin on their intentions. How do I know their motives? But I can get caught up in the negative feelings about a situation rather than asking them for clarification or just believing the best about them. 

One of the most painful things I have encountered is having my heart misunderstood. Yet, I do that to others without giving them a chance to explain. What a waste of time and emotions. It damages my connection with them and shakes my confidence in myself. So I am trying to believe the best in others motives. Perhaps I need to be more of a Cherilynn photographer than a straight shot photo capturer. Such a beautiful way to see the world and to see others. 

 Capturing beauty in even the little things is a gift that I want to lean into. What a peaceful way to live. Lately, I have been sitting out on my backporch during the afternoon thunderstorms. For me the thunder and lightning is a majestic reminder of how God nourishes our world. Across the street Percy cowers and shakes out of the fear of the storm. How often I tremble in fear or shed tears over another’s misspoken word. It is possible to brush off hurts or get the truth about their intentions. Maybe they do have a problem with me that I need to explore or perhaps their word was not received as they meant it to be. Either way, I need to see the beauty in even a tiny spider web. After all, we are all connected even when one of us may be supper for the other. Thank you Cherilynn for sharing your talent and perspective with me. You are a true visionary.

In Him,

Joyful

9-9-26

By the way……Susi is older than me! Happy 71st bday my friend. 

Enjoying the Me that I am Today

I hate to admit that as I reached my seventieth birthday, it occurs to me that I was more critical than approving pictures of myself. How often did I slip behind others because I felt fat? Or shunned away from an opportunity to get a photo with a loved one because I didn’t have on makeup or my hair was a mess, it is rare when a person is happy with what their mirror reveals and that breaks my heart. I spent too much time believing that I was not the pretty one. I allowed that perception to steal my joy rather than embracing the moment. 

Here I am with white hair and more wrinkles than I thought possible but when I look at the me in this picture, I see beauty. Funny that what society would say had lost the sparkle is me now seeing my own. 

Life is not only about how we see ourselves on the outside but who we are and how we see ourselves as we relate to others and how we live our lives. Recently, I have been looking back on the accomplishments of the years that got me to this place. I am beyond grateful that I got to be Ronnie B’s wife and my kid’s mom. That I was able to impact families of my students and Young Life kids is one of my most treasured honor. 

Sometimes you hear the question if we could advise our younger self what would we say.  Well, I would say accept yourself. Love and embrace just how God made you. Don’t worry if your hair is too thin or your knees are knocked. Rather love yourself inside and out. Then I would tell myself to forgive me for missteps because they may take me down the wrong path but they also will teach me lessons I need to learn. Lastly, I would remind myself to focus on the gifts of life rather than the what ifs that may or may not happen. 

Matthew 22:39 says to love others as you love yourself. So it is God’s plan that I love myself so that I can love others and form the connections that make life so rich. It is not being conceited or arrogant to recognize the gifts God created in me that can bring others to Him. 

Here I sit writing on my iPad on my back porch with my coffee beside me and my dog and cat competing for my attention. It is so still right now. No kiddos are playing at the park behind my house. There is just silence as I look out over our yard. I love being seventy, wrinkles and all. There are more years behind me than in front of me and I am at peace with that. What I hope is that I enjoy these moments, reflect on the more hectic ones of raising kids, and know that whatever my future holds will be mine to press into. Missing my kids has been replaced with enjoying the quiet time I get to spend with Jesus rather than rushing everyone off to school. Spending so much time with Ron and knowing how fortunate we are to still enjoy each other all these decades later. There is time to read, have coffee with friends, walk our Cora, and just sip coffee as the sun rises between the trees. 

The photo in this post does not look like my senior photo but I find it more beautiful in so many ways. Life has been challenging and there have been heart crushing losses along the way. But God has always been with me to take the next steps. Here I am a wife, friend, mother, grandmother and even great grandmother who gets to spend time with those I love. There is nothing not to like about Barbara Friedman Barber at seventy. I only wish I would have recognized how fabulous I am when I was much younger. But maybe I needed those doubts to get me to the peace I have with myself today. So I will pat myself on the back, smile at myself in the mirror and stand out front for the photo. I hope you will do the same whatever season of life you are in.

In Him,

Joyful

9-7-26

 

What Can I Do to Serve Others on this Day?

I am writing this a few days ahead of 9/11 so that each of us has time to consider how we would like to spend the day in service to our community. Perhaps it will be helping out an individual or a group of people. Maybe it will be best spent rolling up our sleeves to help someone accomplish a task that they couldn’t possibly complete on their own. Or it may be taking a person who doesn’t typically get out to coffee or a delicious meal. Sometime listening to another is the best gift we can give them. Anyway we choose to serve will impact others and that is the point after all. Reframing this day of tragedy andf heartcrushing grief into one that not only brings us together but allows us to place our head on our pillow at the end of the day with a smile on our face and joy in our hearts. 

This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice an be glad in it. Let us never forget the terror that came to our nation, the families that still grieve, or the heroes who ran toward danger to save others. But let’s also remember how it united us as a nation. How young men stepped up to enlist to defend our country and how flags flew over all of America as a symbol of One Nation Under God Indivisible. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-6-26

 

Loving My Kids Through My Changing Role as Their Mom and Trusting God with My Grown Children

How often through the years have I had to be reminded to get on my knees and turn my hands up surrendering my children and grandchildren to you, Lord. So often I grab my fix it wand and try to make things right in their circumstances. When they were small it was on me to protect and guide them through their early years. But as we know the job of a mother is continually diminishing. That is the way of life. Children grow from an infant needing all their needs meant to a toddler sitting at the table shoving chicken nuggets into their own mouths. Eventually, they don’t need us to drive them to all their practices but get behind the wheel and get their own their own. Then before we know it they are driving off to college and a dorm room that is not under our roof. 

It i difficult as a mom to release the control and protection we have over their safety. But that is our purpose. To raise children to thrive on their own with our prayers and listening ears always in the background of their lives. One of the biggest complaints my adult children have is that I give them unsolicited advice. Don’t get me wrong, I need to be present when one of them calls for a recipe or asks how to navigate a situation. But my role is not to pester them with how they should live their daily lives. What I have come to realize is that even if they take a misstep it is not the end of the world. Most of the time they will learn more from their mistake than they ever would from me fixing a problem for them. In fact, I am teaching them a lesson with each of my butting in moments. It can be that I cripple their growth by bailing them out over and over. Cleaning up their messes was my job when they were babies and needed a diaper change but eventually they needed to learn to pick up their own toys and manage their finances on their own. But it is os hard to put down my micromanaging wand and fade into the role God intended. 

A praying mom’s job starts before a baby is born and continues to her last breath. That is the consistency of motherhood. Loving and supporting our children even when their choices would not be our choices for them needs to be our focus. Lead with love when we interact rather than getting on our bully pulpit to pound some sense in them. After all, I have learned that I am not always right. Shocking but true. There is that question of how did you feel before you realized you were wrong. You felt like you were right. More and more often I am tuned into how wrong I can be in my thoughts, decisions and actions. Then I need to ask for forgiveness or correct my mistake. My prayer for me is to let love and kindness be the motivation in all I do just ads 1 Corinthians 16:14 says. I even had it tattooed on my wrist as a reminder. 

Forgiveness is mine. God forgives me and I need to forgive myself and then pray to do better especially with my own children. My seventy years of life have given me wisdom and the wises thing I can do is trust those I love to God’s loving hands and know that He loves them more than I do. That is hard to comprehend but oh so true. Trust, faith, love are what I need to hold onto when I sit in my home that is not an empty nest but one I choose to fill with others. Those precious children of mine may not lay their heads down under my roof but the memories are always present and my door is always open. Now Ronnie B and I share our home not with our children or even our grandchildren since they all have home of their own. Now we invite students, postdocs, and scientists to sleep in their rooms while they work in our hometown. What a gift to always have others in our home and to rest assured that God has His hands on our grown children even when we cannot physically kids them good night. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-5-26
 

Tim is a Junior and Loved by His Sisters Who Woke Up to See Him Off on Day One

 Our grandson, Tim, started his junior year of high school. His three sisters woke up early to wish him well. This is the first year Tim is going to school without one of his sisters since junior high. He is driving himself this year after years of riding shotgun. Kenzi is starting her junior year of college and soon Kayla will be off to her dorm room a few hours from home. Our almost five year old Millie will have one more year of preschool before kindergarten. 

I love the love and support these siblings show one another. They are a tight nit group that always has one another’s back. It i also true that they are each others favorite people to hang out with. Cam and Britt did it right raising these talented humans to not only be hard workers but also kind and caring Christians. I love seeing Tim’s cross around his neck. Soon he and Kayla will sing their last song on their churches worship team. There are a lot of lasts but also so many firsts. 

This family has changed a lot over the years. Adding Millie twelve years after Tim was born was such a gift. But these littles in this picture have turned into incredible adults and Ronnie B and I couldn’t be prouder of our grandkids. Enjoy your last couple years of high school Tim. We know you will rock it!

Just now Noni and Papa love you and couldn’t be prouder.

In Him,

Joyful

9-3-26