Loving My Kids Through My Changing Role as Their Mom and Trusting God with My Grown Children

How often through the years have I had to be reminded to get on my knees and turn my hands up surrendering my children and grandchildren to you, Lord. So often I grab my fix it wand and try to make things right in their circumstances. When they were small it was on me to protect and guide them through their early years. But as we know the job of a mother is continually diminishing. That is the way of life. Children grow from an infant needing all their needs meant to a toddler sitting at the table shoving chicken nuggets into their own mouths. Eventually, they don’t need us to drive them to all their practices but get behind the wheel and get their own their own. Then before we know it they are driving off to college and a dorm room that is not under our roof. 

It i difficult as a mom to release the control and protection we have over their safety. But that is our purpose. To raise children to thrive on their own with our prayers and listening ears always in the background of their lives. One of the biggest complaints my adult children have is that I give them unsolicited advice. Don’t get me wrong, I need to be present when one of them calls for a recipe or asks how to navigate a situation. But my role is not to pester them with how they should live their daily lives. What I have come to realize is that even if they take a misstep it is not the end of the world. Most of the time they will learn more from their mistake than they ever would from me fixing a problem for them. In fact, I am teaching them a lesson with each of my butting in moments. It can be that I cripple their growth by bailing them out over and over. Cleaning up their messes was my job when they were babies and needed a diaper change but eventually they needed to learn to pick up their own toys and manage their finances on their own. But it is os hard to put down my micromanaging wand and fade into the role God intended. 

A praying mom’s job starts before a baby is born and continues to her last breath. That is the consistency of motherhood. Loving and supporting our children even when their choices would not be our choices for them needs to be our focus. Lead with love when we interact rather than getting on our bully pulpit to pound some sense in them. After all, I have learned that I am not always right. Shocking but true. There is that question of how did you feel before you realized you were wrong. You felt like you were right. More and more often I am tuned into how wrong I can be in my thoughts, decisions and actions. Then I need to ask for forgiveness or correct my mistake. My prayer for me is to let love and kindness be the motivation in all I do just ads 1 Corinthians 16:14 says. I even had it tattooed on my wrist as a reminder. 

Forgiveness is mine. God forgives me and I need to forgive myself and then pray to do better especially with my own children. My seventy years of life have given me wisdom and the wises thing I can do is trust those I love to God’s loving hands and know that He loves them more than I do. That is hard to comprehend but oh so true. Trust, faith, love are what I need to hold onto when I sit in my home that is not an empty nest but one I choose to fill with others. Those precious children of mine may not lay their heads down under my roof but the memories are always present and my door is always open. Now Ronnie B and I share our home not with our children or even our grandchildren since they all have home of their own. Now we invite students, postdocs, and scientists to sleep in their rooms while they work in our hometown. What a gift to always have others in our home and to rest assured that God has His hands on our grown children even when we cannot physically kids them good night. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-5-26
 

Tim is a Junior and Loved by His Sisters Who Woke Up to See Him Off on Day One

 Our grandson, Tim, started his junior year of high school. His three sisters woke up early to wish him well. This is the first year Tim is going to school without one of his sisters since junior high. He is driving himself this year after years of riding shotgun. Kenzi is starting her junior year of college and soon Kayla will be off to her dorm room a few hours from home. Our almost five year old Millie will have one more year of preschool before kindergarten. 

I love the love and support these siblings show one another. They are a tight nit group that always has one another’s back. It i also true that they are each others favorite people to hang out with. Cam and Britt did it right raising these talented humans to not only be hard workers but also kind and caring Christians. I love seeing Tim’s cross around his neck. Soon he and Kayla will sing their last song on their churches worship team. There are a lot of lasts but also so many firsts. 

This family has changed a lot over the years. Adding Millie twelve years after Tim was born was such a gift. But these littles in this picture have turned into incredible adults and Ronnie B and I couldn’t be prouder of our grandkids. Enjoy your last couple years of high school Tim. We know you will rock it!

Just now Noni and Papa love you and couldn’t be prouder.

In Him,

Joyful

9-3-26

I Wanna Live LIke That and Hopefully not get Arrested

 I pride myself in being that random, weird person that others hold their breath to see what I might say. It is not easy being me. My mind is always coming up with inappropriate thoughts that I can only share a fraction of. My biggest fear is that as I head into the years of diminishing filters, I may be incarcerated for spewing my thoughts out into the world. 

This predicament is all my father’s fault. He taught me early that if I didn’t know an answer I should just pause and make one up. He also had a fabulous sense of humor and was quite the trickster. His laugh was by far my favorite. My mom would just shake her head and purse her lips when he got going. Most of his “only in his head” stories involved made up embarrassing moments about my mom. He told of them getting to a camp spot after dark and mom needing to find a bush to go pee. As she started her flow a man turned a flashlight on her derrière and said to move over that she was getting his sleeping bag wet. Of course that never happened or did it? 

My favorite people are those who will join in my tomfoolery and even elevate it to a different level. Susi gave me a shirt that says That’s a horrible idea, what time? Jenn gets me going until she or I pee our pants. Natalie can be just as random as me and will no doubt be with me in the back of a police car if one of us doesn’t come to our senses. Then there is Ronnie B who shakes his head like my mom did and reminds me……..filters, Barbara, filter. Like my mom, he knows it is useless to try to contain the wild hair when dad or I get going. That saying of I wanna live like that is in my head that I want to be unpredictable perhaps even shocking at times. 

So let’s all enjoy coloring outside the lines and laugh so hard we have to cross our legs. It is only the laugh lines that should cause wrinkles on our faces. Who wants to have frown lines after all. So act as if you are carefree even through the dark days. Wringing our hands won’t make our troubles any less. Splashing in puddles till our pants are soaked won’’t either but it is a whole lot more fun than staying dry inside. So if you like me wanna live like that let loose and do what seems inappropriate sometimes. Perhaps you will be laughing along with others. Maybe even a police officer.

In Him,

Joyful

9-1-26

Confession is about Letting Someone In

Confession isn’t about letting something out. It is about letting someone in. You might have made a mistake but you are not a mistake. 
 What does God say about me in my mistake? These are all questions Rich Wilkerson posed in his teaching this morning. It is important to trust someone with even your darkest thoughts and moments. But remember it is not about shouting it from a rooftop for all to hear and judge. That won’t bring you comfort or resolution. What you need to do is share with that one person who will guide you, advice you and love you through the darkness. The whole goal of sharing is to come out of the tunnel and back into the light. If your strategy is to seek advice or acceptance on social media or in a crowded room, I am afraid you will not achieve your goal. After the smoke clears others will still be judging your decisions. Bring your concern, sin, misstep to that one person you can trust with your life, your messes, and your sin. When you step out into the light this person will see the strength you showed not the wrong you walked through. Choose well. Choose one. You don’t need to poll everyone to know how to move forward. You need that one trusted friend who is more family than even those with the same blood. 

This teaching that touched me so powerfully this morning was divinely timed. Just yesterday I took a handwringing worry to a sister. She listened, advised, and loved me even in my pain. If you don’t have a person in your life like that, be that person for someone else. Then when you are in need they will bee there for you just the same. 

The worst thing we can do is walk alone through a fear or tragedy. Build a network of trusted confidants to circle you through good times and bad. Most importantly is the faith that this will remain between you and not be shared. You don’t need an army for most problems. But two heads are better than one. Bouncing off your next steps helps you to have confidence that you are on the right path and the clarity to see if you are going down the wrong one. 

Trust your gut and pray for not only the solutions to your situation but the right person to confide in. Then move toward the light with confidence together.. Prayerfully consider who you let in. Then both of you pray for wisdom to move forward together. Putting Christ in the center of your relationship and your journey is key. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26

Let Love and Kindness be the Motivation in all We Do……….That is how Dolly Lived!

 Oh what an incredible example for all of us on how to live, how to love and how to walk in faith. When everyone was wearing the WWJD bracelets to remind the what would Jesus do and how to live life, Dolly was walking those steps. Her mission here on earth was to bring joy to each of our lives through her moving songwriting, angelic voice, uplifting performances or her heart for allowing every child to read. Dolly is one of the examples of what Jesus did while he walked among us. The other is Jimmy Carter for his love and kindness through Habitat for Humanity. 

The people that we look up to as not heros but illustration of how to treat others should never fade. There are those who didn’t have the global impact that Dolly had but that just show us in their everyday kindnesses. What a gift it is when we live selflessly. It is not a gift to others as much as to ourselves. I am convinced Dolly would say she gained more than she gave because of her generous, joy filled life.

Her rewards are not only those she receives now in heaven but the moments she connected with others here on earth.She truly did live out 1 Corinthians 16:14 which happens to be my life goal verse. Let love and kindness be the motivation in all you do. When this is our measuring stick, we lean into the fruits of the spirit rather than getting caught up in the worldly gossip, judgement, and exclusion. What each of us does in our daily walk matters to others but in living out this verse we give the greatest gift to ourselves. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26

Yes, We are all Lovely and Should be Proud of Who We are in this Moment!

 We need to be more like two year olds. Mayve is thrilled with her new outfit. She just oozes confidence, joy and a knowing she is lovely. Her favorite is the faux fur vest that she can pet and enjoy. Don’t we need to pose for pictures not hiding behind others because we don’t like our weight but standing tall and proud of who we are in this moment. Wrinkles, gray hair and crepey skin are all evidence that we have lived life and not just endured but flourished. Yes, the pictures of us in our later years are not the same as the one from our high school yearbook. But think about what we have accomplished and weathered along this life path. It is beautiful to be eighteen but also beautiful to be a Noni and great-grandmother who may not be as adorable as a two year old but can have the joy in our eyes that Mayve does. 

Let’s start celebrating life and embracing the image in the mirror. Most importantly get in the pictures. You don’t need to always be behind the camera. Our families love us and want us to show up in their lives but also in the photos that are memories of precious moments. So here is to us as new moms, senior citizens or at every moment of our path. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-25-26

I Want to be IN Cahoots with You so I Don’t Go Insane

 So I guess saying I’m all in has to be clarified. Where the heck am I all in? I think in cahoots seems best since I don’t have to go in alone. After all, I always like to be with someone. It is good i am allowed to take several trip to going insane. That does suggest that I frequently come out of it and that sounds like a good thing, I seem to always return so that may be concerning. What I really like is this play on words. There is a great book about which witch is which. I think it was called The Phantom Tollbooth about the joys of learning and how adults must keep it stimulating. Maybe I should have read it more often since I lived my life in a classroom. 

My greatest joy about being a special ed teacher was I got to do project based learning rather than worksheets. The best year ever was when we did inside out. The idea was to look at many things from the inside out to learn more about them. We took apart balls, tennis, golf, basketball and more to see what was inside and find out why. Then we made stamps with nuts as we learned why some had thicker shells and some crazy wiggles inside. The hint for that is weather. We also took apart electronics to compare and contrast. That got shut down when one of my middle schoolers went to the library to search for how to make a bomb from a microwave. Yes, I had the behavior, autistic and emotional kiddos. The most important inside out was looking at ourselves from the inside and recognizing that we compare our hurts to others outsides that look all perfect and mess free. 

I am so fortunate that I had students and their families for years not semesters. Many are still in my life and for that I am grateful. Although they drove me insane at times I am glad they are not incognito as adults. Sometimes I even get to be in cahoots with my Angelica when we are planning surprises with my Elissa. Now I think I will go in search of my copy of The Phantom Tollbooth and grab a second cup of coffee.

In Him,

Joyful

8-24-26