There are 938 weeks in eighteen years. We parent our children for a season but are parents for a lifetime. If we put a marble in a jar for each week that our kiddos will live under our roof (some more, some less) it encourages us to make the most of the time we have before they strike out on their own. Week one we are in complete control of their precious lives as we feed, nurture and meet all their needs. But as the weeks go by they begin to be able to do more for themselves and rely on us less and less. In the beginning, we have control of most everything but we move from control to influence as the weeks, months and years fly by. Ted Cunningham shares that as parents lose their marbles this is our role~becoming influencers. Obedience is for a season but honor is for a lifetime.
What is the influence we hope to have in our weekly lives that will be the fiber of our children’s lives for the duration of their lives? Gary Smalley suggests coming up with a family constitution that can be modified over time. Start with a few actions that support your values even in those first weeks. Writing them down makes you more likely to be intentional. Some examples that I had in our home over the years.
~Eat one meal a day as a family. ~Pray as a family ~Clean floor of room before going to sleep or to school ~Brush your teeth twice a day when you have teeth ~Read books before bed ~Clear the number of items from the table along with your own plate, glass and silverware except on your birthday.
Whatever yours are will evolve over the years. But checking each one to make sure it matches up with the values and skills you want them to leave home with as they move out on their own is important. Cameron began clearing his own plate before he could reach the sink. Independence and responsibility are necessary to live independently. Faith is so important to us. Not only going to church but keeping Christ in the center of our family.
When our empty nest and visits to our children’s homes we are tasked to influence our grandkids. Unless our role is babysitter we don’t have to get them to obey us. That is why parents have to work so hard at getting Noni and Papa to obey so we don’t spoil their littles too much. Suddenly ice cream and cookies are the healthy breakfast option. Why can’t we bring candy when it isn’t Halloween? Kids can survive hanging upside down in a tree with a bicycle tied to your waste. My kids survived. When our kids were home we replaced the word please with now. Get over here now. Let your brother down now. Then when we are grandparents we replace please with unless you don’t want to. Come over here if you want to. Put your brother down if you want to. Eat your vegetables unless you would rather have ice cream and cookies.
Our roles shift throughout our families seasons. What we don’t want to miss out on is instilling our values into our children and knowing that they will be ready to face life on their own as they move from our nest to their own. Put a label on your marble jar that says obedience at the top and influence at the bottom. Remove a marble each week and know that as you lose your marbles your children are becoming who they are going to be even outside their childhood home.
In Him,
Joyful
9-28-24
