A Father's Gift

My kids have a sleepless dad. Ron is staying up all night working on pictures and videos of our precious son. Each of us is dealing with this suffocating grief in our own ways. His is to focus on the incredible times we had with Ryan and set aside the fact that we lost him too soon. I pray for my gentle husband's health while he gives us all these visual gifts he is creating out of love for his lost son. The memories in the pictures of Ryan's lasting smile and exuberance for life do take the pain away even while bringing on a flood of tears.

I watch Ron's drive to document the joy Ryan brought to all around him and wish I could pull myself out of bed and away from the tissue box to participate in his creation. Instead, I am there to express my gratitude for his cherished videos and to wipe my tears beside this father, my adored husband, whose tears are falling and whose heart is breaking.

This weekend, Tanner is joining us to go to Denver and get Ryan's belongings. We will sort through them when we get home and share special items with those who loved Ryan and would treasure a keepsake; a cookbook for David, a fishing hat for Cam, a Sublime t-shirt for Natalie and Heather, and the list goes on.

I am most looking forward to the cell phone that may hold pictures my son took of his daughter and himself ice skating or sharing a brief moment cheek to cheek. Last night Ron put together a video of pictures of Ryan that were from the last couple years. My hope is that there will be more pictures on this phone that can make us smile at who he was and how he lived and loved. We will keep the tissues handy and thank God for every captured smile.

In Him,

Joyful yet tear filled
4-30-2010

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