Monday, April 1, 2013

Beyond Procrastination

'If it weren't for the last minute, I would never get anything done.'

Procrastination now that is something I am extremely good at. Ron and I just finished our taxes last night. Okay, I realize that it is only April 1st and they are not due until April 15th so that doesn't seem like the last minute. But the truth is we just finished our 2010 taxes. Don't panic! We are not in jail yet.
Now you are thinking this is not the last minute but years overdue. You are right. 

But the truth is, we could not get past these taxes. They represent our lives before Ryan died. There are receipts in this pile for cremation, suits to attend a funeral, $ we gave him to buy a plane ticket to come home only a month before he took his life. 

The before and after of April 5th, 2010 are dramatical as our life shifted from having our son, Ryan, in our earthly lives and living with the heartbreak of his death. Every time we sat down to tackle the paperwork of taxes for 2010 we disintegrated into tears and put it all away.

Well, thankfully that pile of receipts and all the little boxes on all the government forms are finally completed and we can send them off and throw them in the file cabinet. I wish we could have put this behind us years ago so we wouldn't have had it weighing on our minds for so long. But we all do what we can when we can. 
Time to write a note to the IRS to put in the big envelope to explain. 
Time to forgive ourselves for making the last minute years past when it should have been.
 Time to accept that Ryan won't be calling again to bring me his latest recipe success or call me 'beautiful mom'.
Time to treasure the memories and people in our lives.
Time to cling to faith, family, nd friends as we journey through this week that is our son's departure week.
April 5th is the day he took his life, but he didn't take our love or memories of him.

In HIm,

1 comment:

  1. More hugs and prayers for you and your family.