No My Heartbreak Is Not Bigger Than Yours

Being there for a friend to listen, cry, hold her hand through the rough times is more important than gifts with pretty bows or funny cards that make her laugh.

I have a friend who is going through a separation. She is scared, anxious, isolating herself from all her friends and even her God. Ron and I were separated for 6 whole years. I didn't sleep, felt like I would never be whole again. This is the time she needs us even as she is pushing her friends away.

When she finally came to me and broke down she felt guilty. Guilty for talking about her private life and guilty because she thinks my broken heart is more important than hers. That could not be farther from the truth.

Everyone has things that are painful in their lives. Sure Ry's suicide makes it seem like our family trumps everyone else's issues right now. But that is not how life works. We all are here for each other when we need each other. Jenn is a perfect example of that. She had limph nodes removed the day Ryan died to see if she needed further treatment for uteran cancer. HUGE stuff in her life. Yet, there she sat 5 days later passing out flyers at Ryan's service for us. She didn't say, "Wait, my life is in a crisis right now or I would be there for you." She was just there for us in spite of her own aches and pains. Same thing with Susi. She is going through life changing financial issues but that didn't stop her from walking with us through Ryan's death.

Life and its tragedies are not about who has the roughest time but rather about who is there for others in spite of their own heartaches. I pray I am always someone who can be there for others in spite of my pain. This moment finds me doing a better job of that than when I didn't have Christ walking beside me arm in arm. His love and support allow me the strength to selflessly help others even as my own tears continue to fall. Christ is not only there for us when it is a good time for Him. He is there to hold our hand even as His own heart breaks for all He sees is wrong with those He loves. If  I mourn my son, He assures me that Ryan is where I want to be someday.

The song 'I Can Only Imagine' keeps coming to my mind. Ryan doesn't have to imagine anymore. He is seeing Jesus face to face. So I will pray for my friend and send her little notes until she realizes she can share her brokenness with me. I can handle it and it is harder for me to watch from a distance than to be allowed to wrap her in my arms and cry with her.

In Him,
Joyful
9-6-2010