9 Months Ago

9 months ago Ron came home late from work and we sat on the couch watching 2 and 1/2 Men on my laptop. My cell phone was on the kitchen counter when it rang so I did the right thing and stayed on the couch with my hubby. Then his phone rang so we thought we better get it just in case.

Yeah, just in case it was an emergency. How come we, as parents, think we will be able to stop live or even death from happening when we pick up the phone? She was hysterical and just kept saying he is gone over and over and over. How could this be true? Hurt yes, dead no, No, NO!

I remember after Tanner fell 80 feet off the cliff, I always would say that my kids had had a lot of injuries and close calls but no permanent damage. No life altering consequences to their mishaps. Until 9 months ago Ron and I sat on the couch with the laptop closed clinging to each other just repeating no, No, NO.

How could we tell his brothers and sister? What about his Grandma and Nana? We certainly weren't brave enough for the tasks ahead. Informing, planning a funeral for our son. NO!

The sign in my kitchen that has been my life motto said The Best Way Out Is Always Through. I believe that. So we prayed and cried and planned and shared and we made it through.

With family, friends and our faith we are through 9 months without Ryan. The first 8 months I collapsed on the 5th of each and every month. Today a friend asked me how I was and I thought she was asking about my cold. It is not easy but it is life and Ryan would be glad I made it through today without falling apart. Until I began writing this post that is.

In Him,
Joyful
1-5-2011