Rocking Chair News

Rocking softly back and forth in a large, wooden rocker, the fertility doctor, who had just done my exploratory surgery, gave me  heartbreaking news. There was no viable ovary to use for an invitro attempt. I was still post surgery and extremely groggy sitting in my wheelchair.  Ron was off bringing the car around to pick me up. So I felt compelled to comprehend everything this man was saying. Unfortunately,  my focus was on the irony that this man was delivering life altering news about my inability to have a baby while sitting in a rocking chair. Seriously! This was it, invitro was our last chance to have a family, or so we thought. Adoption seemed hopeless if not impossible.

My voice was raspy from the oxygen so Ron brewed me cup after cup of tea. I knew I needed to call our parents with the outcome of  the surgery but didn't want them to think I was upset because my voice wasn't strong. Silly me trying to be fake with those who knew and loved me. Looking back on that day, I realize how naive I was to try to hide my pain from them.  Raspy voice or not they knew how devastated both Ron and I were.

That was a difficult time for us as we wondered if we would ever have the opportunity to be parents. Our dream had always been to have not 1 but 4 children. It was an uncertain time to say the least. Today, we can see that God had a plan for us and for our family all along. We ended up with just the kiddos that we were meant to have. I can't imagine our kids being raised in someone else's homes. I thank God we had the patience and determination to push for the chosen children that were to become  our hearts.

Back then, I was not real with others about the pain I was in. But now, I know that being honest about my life and the heartaches and joyful moments is the only way to live. Being real with others, even when it is hard gives us the support we so need to get through life.

In Him,
Joyful
2-3-2010