Truth Equals Trust

Telling lies is never okay. Well, telling the complete truth is not always the right way to go either. How do we explain to our kids that they need to tell the truth no matter what when we have our own little deceptions? Not telling the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the truth is something that people don't do often enough. Of course, it is sometimes kind to withhold  a bit of reality from others. You don't want to tell a coworker  that they should not have worn that inappropriate, low cut, red dress to an important meeting or tell a friend that it really is her being unreasonable not her husband. But what about the destructive deceptions that hurt our relationships? The just not telling about purchases or keeping information about our kids from their dads.

Oh we are good at justifying our actions. It is easy to convince ourselves that we are protecting others from the truth instead of realizing we are not trusting them with the truth. I have been guilty of this myself. Whether it was not sharing a phone call from school or letting my kids slide on a bigger crime. I remember once my friend's husband was reading the newspaper and saw his teenage son's name in the paper after being arrested. He was so hurt and angry when he realized his wife knew about it and didn't tell.

Mothers and fathers set the example for our children. If we lie or withhold the truth from each other and other people how can we be surprised when our children are not honest with us. It breaks my heart when my kids lie to me. I want to trust them and want them to trust me with the truth. My thought has been that they should know that I will love them no matter what. There is absolutely nothing they could do to jeapardize that love. What I don't focus on is the fact that I have modeled deception for them for years. Not that I hid big things but little lies are lies just the same.

One of my worst dreams since Ryan died was that I received the phone call about his suicide and decided it was too stressful to tell Ron or anyone else. A couple weeks later when Ryan hadn't called and Ron wondered why I didn't know how I could tell him. Then I not only had to tell him Ry had died but that I hadn't trusted him with the news. It was a terrifying dream. Of course there was never going to be a good time to share  such devastating news but everyone who loved Ryan deserved to know.

We dig ourselves a deep, dark hole when we lie. Rationalizing it doesn't make it okay. Hoping that the other person will never have to find out doesn't make it okay. The truth is a way of trusting those around us and it is important to trust each other with even the hard truths in life.

In Him,
Joyful
2-4-2010