It has been a strange and reflective week for me. Everyone else is back at school from Spring Break and on with the last stretch of the school year. The gift of an extra week off for me is appreciated but has put me in a position I have never experienced before. With no real plans I have flailed at finding a purpose or direction for the week. Thankfully, Ron convinced me to take a quick trip to Arizona to visit family. That has been healing. I have spent the last 4 days driving over 1000 miles to spend short visits with family I rarely get to see. It worked out that even with no prior notice I got to see almost everyone.
Now I am in a hotel on my way home to meet my daughter's heart's desire for the first time. Jack comes in from his station as a Marine in South Carolina today. It is important to me to be home in time to pray with her before she meets this man who may be God's future for her. That they pray everyday together and are doing a devotional together on Skype comforts me. But the anxiety and anticipation for both as they spend time together is still there. I pray for them to rest in His plans for them.
This week has been a gift from those who recognize I am in a no win situation at work. The frustration is that I truly felt God led me to this job a year ago to impact lives. Now it is time to move on out of this job and into the unknown of another. I am trying to be positive and hopeful in this storm. The truth is I am feeling broken, unappreciated and overwhelmed by the direction this has all taken. It is a helpless feeling that my heart and efforts are misunderstood by a couple of people who have power over all of us. My focus needs to be on those who do celebrate all I have accomplished and believe in me. Unfortunately, the negative is powerful even in light of all the positive support.
The ups and downs of this extra week off have been a blessing and a curse. I find myself running at the same time I feel like isolating. Visiting and driving my way to an escape while I cannot sleep with all the what ifs I face in the future. I have had a lot of time alone in the car to pray and sing praises. When this week comes to an end I pray that I can rest in Him to keep me on the path wherever that leads.
Now I am in a hotel on my way home to meet my daughter's heart's desire for the first time. Jack comes in from his station as a Marine in South Carolina today. It is important to me to be home in time to pray with her before she meets this man who may be God's future for her. That they pray everyday together and are doing a devotional together on Skype comforts me. But the anxiety and anticipation for both as they spend time together is still there. I pray for them to rest in His plans for them.
This week has been a gift from those who recognize I am in a no win situation at work. The frustration is that I truly felt God led me to this job a year ago to impact lives. Now it is time to move on out of this job and into the unknown of another. I am trying to be positive and hopeful in this storm. The truth is I am feeling broken, unappreciated and overwhelmed by the direction this has all taken. It is a helpless feeling that my heart and efforts are misunderstood by a couple of people who have power over all of us. My focus needs to be on those who do celebrate all I have accomplished and believe in me. Unfortunately, the negative is powerful even in light of all the positive support.
The ups and downs of this extra week off have been a blessing and a curse. I find myself running at the same time I feel like isolating. Visiting and driving my way to an escape while I cannot sleep with all the what ifs I face in the future. I have had a lot of time alone in the car to pray and sing praises. When this week comes to an end I pray that I can rest in Him to keep me on the path wherever that leads.
In Him,
Joyful
4-12-12
oh my, you talking about your job situation sounds so much like mine. Hang in there becuase I'm happy to report I was offered another teaching position so I know I will find my passion again. Glad you were able to take time for yourself-sometimes quiet reflection is invaluable!
ReplyDeleteI am so honored to have Barb as my dear friend.... You are so brave and encouraging in your walk with the Lord............
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