Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Okay To Feel Sorry For Yourself

'Don't feel sorry for yourself.' When someone told me that in the past I quickly changed my pity party attitude and got on with life. Recently, I have come to a clearer understanding about feeling sorry for ourselves.  It is okay to feel sad or mad when things occur in our lives that hurt. Being honest about your feelings is not the same as being self-focused. Real emotions should be expressed. Tears are healthy when they fall.

If everyone just sucks it up and puts on a happy face, it doesn't allow for human connections. When someone asks how we are and our response is 'Great' it limits our connections to others. Everyone has heartache in life. Others are more willing to share with us when we are real with them.

I remember when I was young and wanted the world to see a rosey picture of my life. Swallowing the pain of infertility, loss of a child, the ache of separation only isolated me from others and their love and support. Thankfully when we lost our son to suicide 2 years ago, I was honest about my grief and let others in to comfort me.

Today I sit away from my students, away from my colleagues on National Teacher's Day and I am sad. The circumstances are beyond my control and I will be obedient in my actions but I won't pretend that this is okay. It is not okay. Is it the worst problem I have ever had? Bigger than what others are going through? No. But it is okay to be honest with myself and others that I am hurting. Will it get better? Does God have great plans for me? Yes.  I will embrace the changes in my life but I can mourn the loss that it involves and feel sorry for myself.

Truthful In Him,


  1. Joyful,
    Thanks so much for that lovely post...I find that when people say to me 'don't feel sorry for yourself' or some other snide comment, really what they are saying is 'I'm uncomfortable with your thoughts or feelings and I'm feeling insignificant in helping you' so now when someone says that to me I acknowledge to them they don't have to fix a thing for me and while I am feeling sorry fr myself, it won't last forever.
    Thanks so much for your thoughts! Hugs to you and take good care!

  2. I think we all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time because we are only human, after all. And I agree that pretending we're okay to everyone when we're really not is not always the best option.

    I met some of my very best friends because I reached out and shared my grief and pain with them just as they did with me.

    Hope your spirits are lifted soon but yes, you are right, it is okay to feel a little sorry for ourselves every once in awhile.

    ((Hugs)) and Prayers.

  3. I love that you can be so honest. It is okay to feel sorry for yourself Amen to that. You have gone thru so much. You are a light house shinning the glory of Christ.

  4. I am so sorry for your loss. I totally agree that there are times when grieving is not feeling sorry for oneself. God gave us the ability to be sad. People are often uncomfortable with 'real' feelings. Grief comes out a bit at a time. Perhaps there are some unable to comfort or feel empathy, but pray that God gives you comfort and people in your path who understand. Big hugs.

  5. So sorry you are struggling. Sadness and disappointment are part of life, we all know this. It doesn't make it any easier when it hits home. Only God can ultimately comfort us, and I pray he will pull you close now.