Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Moving Away Instead of Toward

Ask people who know me and you will hear that I am outgoing, social all the adjectives that describe someone who enjoys being with people. So I am trying to understand who I am in this season of shying away from social gatherings, choosing solitude to companionship, longing to be alone. This just doesn't fit with my view of who I have always been. Then it worries me that this is not just temporary but the new me.

I long to attend the cookie exchanges, to get to know my new staff of teachers, to spend time with friends. But when the opportunities arise, I firmly choose to stay away. Avoiding the crowds and along with it the companionship and joy of others. When this started I blamed it on losing my son, Ryan. It has been almost 3 years so I should be bouncing back into my life and my relationships. Instead, I find myself isolating even more. So for now I will pray that this is not a forever life change for me. There are opportunities I am missing and I ache to move back into the light of activity and connections with others.

For a first step I am making a list of activities I would love to have the emotional stamina to attend.

Celebrate Recovery
Church (on a more regular basis)
Time spent with friends
Wolf Weekend kitchen staff
Social gatherings at work
Friday night prayer gathering
Connect through Blogging

Praying God can give me the motivation and courage to move toward a few of these.

In Him,


  1. I hope you will take the steps that you are comfortable with. Church on a regular basis is very nourishing to me, and I think that would fill you up with joy. Baby steps may be the best way; choose 1 or 2 on your list. I love reading and gardening, and those are solitary activities but also nourishing.
    Hugs from California.

  2. Hi Barbara,

    Praying that You will feel the tender touch of our Lord, and His whispers of love at this time.