Thursday, May 8, 2014

Strong-Arm Failure

Sometimes we just have to throw up our hands and give up. This is so hard because we all are continually telling each other not to quit. No one ever wants to be called a quitter. But the reality of life is that not all situations work out and we need to walk away rather than force them. My hope right now is to be able to let go and move on from a couple events in my life. Events that I desperately wanted to work out perfectly for all involved. What I finally realized was that I am the only one who wanted or needed it to happen in the first place. So instead of trying to fit all the square pegs in the round holes I am going to go play with my slinky instead.

My precious Mom is turning 80 on the longest day of the year in a few weeks. It just so happens that Cam and his kids will be here. My vision was for all our family to get together to celebrate her life and our love for her and each other. Reality is we have not all been together since my son, Ryan's funeral. I begged and pleaded, planned, moved dates, anything I could think of to make this work. The reality is that I am the only one who has a burning need for this family to be together.

In my pity party, I want to believe it is because I am the only one who cares, the only one who loves enough. The truth is the others do care and do love each other with or without us all getting together.
So I am backing off. I am not going to force this anymore. I am going to stop throwing a tantrum because things are not going to be as I wish.

After I swallow this humble pie I will try to start working on not being jealous of other families that are able to pull off reunions, birthday parties, and get togethers. Forgiveness will come and hopefully each of those I so desperately wanted here will be able to see that my heart was in the right place. Strong-arming others rarely works. You would think I would get that by this age.

Happy birthday Mom. I know you and you will enjoy your day no matter who you are with or what you are doing. Isn't that what it is about after all.

In Him,

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that things are not working out like you wanted them to. Things will work out the way they are supposed to though. I love you and am so glad that you are in my life. You teach me lessons all the time.