Thursday, September 3, 2015

Baby Steps Away From Isolation

Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16:14

This is one of the greatest challenges.
Each day I fail.
Jealousy, gossip, frustration, anger
keep me from achieving this four word challenge.

I have always struggled with jealousy. An orphan spirit that 
rears its ugly head keeping me from being truly happy for others.
It is my biggest challenge.
Drowning in self-pity does not improve life.
Actions and attitudes will move people toward me or push them away.

I pray my heart can be filled with an  'enough' spirit.
There are countless ways I am blessed in my life.
Friends and family surround me with love when I allow them in.

Losing Ryan changed me. 
I tend to seek alone time and rarely reach out to spend time with loved ones.
It is clear to me that this is unhealthy and just feeds my orphan spirit.
But I feel stuck.
Ron tries to pull me out of my isolation.
He is the one who plans breakfasts and brewskis calls with friends.

Do everything in love.

Sometimes it is harder to be loving to myself than to others.
What does loving myself look like?
For me it would be spending time with family and friends,
 eating healthy, taking walks with Ron, writing sweet notes to my grandkids,
camping, cooking, gardening, chatting on the phone, going for long drives, 
just living life that includes others.

It is true we compare our insides with others outsides.
Most people look at my Facebook page and conclude that I am 
adventurous, busy, living a life full of people.
Rarely are our lives reflected on the posts of FB.

Baby steps.
Bible study, blogging, walking with Ron are a start.
I am not an orphan.
The love of so many blesses me.
Now if I can open myself and let them in.

Do everything in love.

In Him,

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for being so transparent; it isn't easy. I don't know whether you've heard of the movie War Room, but if it is in your area I would highly recommend it. It is good for all of us; I often hear those similar things in my spirit about being loved. I grew up with an abandonment spirit so I understand.
    Sending hugs your way.