Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Exposing My Heart In Prayer

I had a powerful experience yesterday. Lately, I have been getting up at 5am to do a Bible Study, blog and pray on my knees. This is the first time in my life that I have prayed on my knees. It has been powerful. I pulled out an old journal I received when Ryan was in high school and living with Mary. She had been ill and in the hospital. I prayed and wrote in the journal. Then there were entries from when Ron and I were separated and life was broken. I prayed and wrote in the journal. Here I am in 2015 writing prayers in this journal again. How sad that it took me 10 years to get back to writing down my prayers.

So I am committed. The book is filling up with prayers for each of my family and friends that I am kneeling to share with my God. But first I must pray for me to stay in prayer, to live in prayer, to love in prayer. This is difficult to share with you but God is leading you to share my words with you for your strength and support.

Lord, Let me start with myself. Writing out the concerns I have for my family and friends is a first step. Reading 1 Peter tells me that you realize we all go through trials but you are faithful to walk with us if we let you. God, please change my heart. Make me less jealous, more secure in myself and my relationships. I need to take care of my health from eating right to my teeth and physical activity. Let my gluttony and stubbornness be replaced by a pliable willingness to do what needs to be done. Help me set my priorities and use my time wisely. Let go of anything that keeps me from you. I want~I need a transformation Lord. A deeper purpose and strength is my desire. 
     Before I can truly pray for others I need to pray for me. Honed by fire I need to commit to and walk the life I want and need. God you know how stubborn I am and how lazy and afraid. Give me a courage that is from You. Don't limit me to my own insecurities. In You I pray for strength, security, energy, boldness, courage, commitment and fearlessness.
     Lord, I feel a need to use this month while Ron is away to change directions in many areas of my life. I long to set up a routine. But writing it is the easy part, sticking to it will be impossible without you leading me by the hand. Don't let me put Buttmarks in the sand where you have to drag me. Thank you Lord for a beginning. I need you to push and pull me to actually do what I want and need to do.  AMEN

There it is my prayer on my knees. I am exposing my heart so you all can pray with me and for me. This is my daily prayer.

In the back of this book I found another prayer from a decade ago. It was to take the conflict out of my marriage and to restore Ron and I to the love we once had. We were so broken I never thought we would find a respectful, peaceful love again. Oh me of little faith. Reading the pain in my prayer back then and recognizing the healing God brought over our marriage encourages me. It gives me hope for all the prayers I have for those I love. Now it is for me to be faithful, believing God has all power and knowledge of just what each of us needs. In Him I pray, write, love. It is going to be an incredible month preparing me for the rest of my life in prayer~ in Him.

In Him,

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