What we learn from the verses we have seen this week is a larger perspective, the big picture, concerning trials in our lives. When we encounter difficult circumstances, God wants us to get a broader point-of-view than we can see from within the situation.
Seeing the big picture is not always easy until we are through the trial.
When Ron and I were young we found out I may not be able to have a child due to endometriosis. Before the final door slammed on my productive system we went through 2 years of hope and fear. I underwent hormone therapies, surgeries and tears as Ron held my hand filled with helplessness. When we finally got the word that all hope of a biological child was lost, we quickly set our sights on adoption. A chosen family we would be.
Then we got Logan, our beautiful little angel. His mother tearfully informed us after we had loved him, changed his diapers, and planned our lives with him, that she had a hole in her heart and needed to take him back. We prayed. We prayed for a new child, his life with her, and then we got hit by a Winnebago. That wasn't just how it felt. We actually got his by a Winnebago in downtown San Fransisco. We flew to Cancun for Easter a week later, leaving dirty diapers in the pail and Logan's carseat in the car. It was too painful to even breathe. This had been God's plan for us. This was why we endured all the pain of my infertility. This was not to be.
After Easter, we took out the carseat, emptied the diaper pail and got back into the business of finding our children. That Mother's Day was the best I had ever had. God gave me a fresh hope that I would be a mom. Logan was proof that their were children for us. We just had to search for them. We took a thousand pictures to get just the right one, agonized over the wording and sent out a thousand letters to OB/GYNs all over the country. We printed business cards to pass out to everyone who would take one in search of our kids.
Before Cameron came into our lives 5 months later, we loved and lost another child from an Arkansas birthmom. It was part of our walk to lose another little girl, Elizabeth, after Ryan was born a couple years later. Then we got Tanner 27 months after Cam was ours and we had a house full of joy and love. Our precious Natalie came alone 5 years after we held Cameron in our arms and our family was complete.
This was a long journey to familyhood. There were times when we lost hope. God always saw the big picture. When Cam was 2 months old we went to see Logan, now Austin, and his mom. I had no regrets. If Logan had stayed with us we wouldn't have had our son Cameron. God knew.
Cameron turned 31 yesterday, Ryan committed suicide just over 5 years ago, Tanner is still in a time of struggle with addictions, and Natalie recently moved to the ocean and walks dogs. Ryan left us his wife and daughter to love. Her new husband and our new granddaughter from them is proof God continues to know how and when our family should grow. I have to remind myself too often that he has each of us in His hands and knows our paths.
Looking back I wouldn't change my path. But in the trials that we lived I too often through my fists up and screamed that He was supposed to be with me and for me. I am so thankful that we didn't give up on us and the family that was meant to be. I wouldn't change a tear or a triumph. My family is God given and just as it should be.
Kay Dangle writes.We can have joy and sorrow at the same time, and we have to allow believers to deal with pain, which is not a sinful feeling.
Pain is not comfortable and we shout out through it so often. But as Robert Frost wrote. The best way out is always through. Going through is the only way to see the Big Picture God has for our lives.