This is a difficult week for your family especially your precious, little girl. Lissa and I spoke last night and she asked if it would be alright if she waited on sending up your birthday balloons. You see she just lost her Gramma Sheila and will be consumed with the goodbye process this week. Her service is Friday, two days after your birthday. Our sweet Lissa sounded overwhelmed. Too many heartaches for an 11 year old.
You would have been 30 this year my son. It is hard to think that you left almost 6 years ago. Even today, you remain such a big piece of our hearts. Little things catch me off guard and remind me of you. Just the other day I had to sit down as I heard a laugh that sounded exactly like yours. We may not be able to wrap our arms around you but we carry you with us always.
One of the most important truths for me is that I have not been angry with either you, me or God in the face of this. I don't lay awake at night wondering what if, could I have, why did he, if only. I have been blessed with a peace about how life unfolded. Would I change it if I could? Absolutely!
I guess what I need you to know is there is no need for forgiveness between us. There is no thought that there was selfishness when this happened. There is only sadness that you are not here to telephone and say 'Hello beautiful.' The biggest regret is that your precious, little girl doesn't get to know you and learn life from your encouraging perspective. You see even with the choices that you made in your life the ones that matter most are the ones that keep you forever in each of our hearts and thoughts. The lesson you taught us were to encourage others.
There are people in my life that I will never meet in person. People who are my online family because you lifted them. Some you only met a time or two but each is still family because of your connection with others.
If we can gift Lissa with one thing from her Daddy it needs to be to love others as you loved.
I pray she can remain other focused not self focused as her life unfolds with so much of you in her.
I wish you could see her son. She is bright, determined, inquisitive, creative, and loving.
Lissa is a gift.
Tears are falling and my heart is full. I love you. I miss you. I am so thankful that you are and will always be a part of our lives. God showed us through you that family are those who we fold into our hearts. Family can happen so quickly. It is not how long we know others but how we are touched by them that makes us family.
You my son are so many things.