Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Grace Not Justice

Should it be:

Not justice but grace
Not grace but justice

It occurs to me that when I am living in my 'orphan spirit' allowing myself to get caught up in jealousy I am choosing justice over grace.  What I believe and would like to live is that grace is so much more important than justice. It is not for me to judge and condemn. The truth is I barely know my own motives how can I know the motives of others. Yet I let myself get overcome with dragging out my measuring stick and letting my heart sink when I feel I got the short end. 

A few years ago a friend walked in my house with a list of all she the ways she had been there for me and all the ways I had let her down. It was hard to hear and even harder to admit that her list was pretty accurate. That friendship never recovered that day of her getting her justice from me. I have lived this yet I am still tempted to grab my own list and point out to loved ones where they have failed me and how generous and considerate I am. That never ends well. Even when I admitted I failed the act of counting up our kindnesses destroyed our friendship. 

See the truth is I did less for her than she did for me on paper. But the truth was not that my heart cared less. The leap I take in my insecurities is that those who let me down are purposely choosing to 'stick it to me' or that I don't count as much as those they do more for. Often they are not even aware of all the hurt feelings I am dwelling on. It is my own justice gathering.
Grace not justice builds and sustains relationships. I absolutely want others to give me grace not justice. True grace is not only forgiving and not keeping score but forgetting by letting go completely of the missteps and hurts of others. Only then will I be free to love unconditionally. After all, I don't think unconditional love comes with a score sheet.

So how do I get my priorities straight and live the way I want to rather than the way I choose to? When I finally admit 'I can't, Jesus will.'  I appreciate the saying that life can be so hard we don't try to do it on our own. If I really want to share grace not gateher justice. I need to turn my hands up and let the giver of all Grace change my heart.

1 Corinthians 6:14 Do everything in love.

I call this my life verse. I can only live it when I choose grace for others.

In Him,

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