Balancing Grace

Balancing grace for others and protecting my own heart is tricky. When I feel excluded time and time again it comes to a point of when do I take the hint and move on? This is especially tricky when it is family that leave me out. I worry so about including others and not hurting anyone’s feelings because I am so sensitive to getting my own feelings hurt. Ron supports me by pointing out that some people are just more sensitive and some are more self centered. My orphan spirit woke me up at 4 am this morning when pictures of smiling faces that left me out but more importantly my 13 year old daughter and 84 year old mother. Hurt me~I hurt. Hurt them~ I want to confront the situation.

Pointing out to these family members how unfair their treatment of us is only makes them see my whining not my heart. I truly believed that raising our kids while Ron and I volunteered, pitched in, and helped others out would make them generous, compassionate adults. If only. Now I have vented and shared way too much. The good news is they don’t read my blog either.

My grace should be that they may not intentionally hurt me. Like when a mom just washed the kitchen floors and the kids come running through with mud on their feet. Are they conspiring to dismiss her efforts or simply enjoying life. I do recognize this is my heart and not necessarily their heart to hurt. How do I become less sensitive since I can only control my reaction not their actions. Praying for wisdom and grace even when it is difficult. That’s what Jesus shows me and asks me to show others.

1 Corinthians 16-14 Do everything in love.

This blog was not that. Or was it about loving myself, mom and granddaughter.

It occurs to me that more than I know, others are probably feeling left out by my choices and I have no intention of hurting them or awareness of how my actions affect them. I guess it is time to spend my sensitive side on being a more inclusive person myself.

In Him,
Joyful
6-29-18