I Prefer a Hail Storm Over a Hail of Bullets or Stones

 Oh what a day, oh what a day, my baby brother ran away, I’m eight years old and turning grey. Oh what a day, oh what a day. Dr. Seuss

Can I just say that it has been a week for me? It felt like I was caught outside in a hail storm with no cover to protect me from the pummeling. Should I be glad that the hail was not bullets or whine that they are not simply raindrops? Maybe I am allowed to pout at my predicament. Rather than lecturing myself on the value of being prepared with rain gear maybe I can just accept the situation as is. 

Yesterday, my daughter told me that although I support her in so many ways, I also fall short. It broke my heart but also got my back up ready to defend myself. I wanted to remind her not only of all that I do but also how she falls short. Why is it that I can’t just receive her words and not have to put on armor to go to battle? She was gracious saying that nobody can be there for others in every way at all times. In fact, she was giving me permission in fact pressing me to put myself first at this time. Her intention was not to condemn but to give me direction that my job is to be there for myself right now. 

Eventually, I put down my boxing gloves and allowed her to embrace me. I stomp my feet wanting to be all things to all people but that is not realistic and has never been my job. Truthfully, as a mom it is kind of my job when my kids were wee ones. But day by day my job was shifting from doing everything for them to teaching them and allowing them to do for themselves. 

It is difficult to reframe my role in life. Somehow, long covid is teaching me that I must slow down, put myself first and let trust others to take care of themselves and even take care of me. That is a tough one. I would rather stand unprotected in a hail storm. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I would rather stand in a hail of bullets but I would definitely rather be pummeled by hail. Maybe just pea size hail bot golf ball size. After all, I do have some sense even with covid brain fog. Speaking of which……….the other day I put dish soap rather than ice in my tea. My advice is, soap doesn’t cool tea or make it taste good. Just saying!

In Him,

Joyful

6-8-23