I just want to share that I have been going to therapy for about four months now. It was difficult for me to decide to sign up so I connected with Nancy through Better Help and see her online cozy on my couch. It has been so helpful to explore my life through someone else’s eyes. I am convinced that God put us together because she is the right person to guide me. Exploring how things in my past contribute to behaviors in my present has been powerful. There is hope that I can be the best me in this season of my life. Hurray for me for taking this step to wellness.
There are moments I feel guilty for delving into my childhood and being honest about the parts of my experience were less than ideal. But I am becoming aware that it is not betraying my mom and dad to admit that everything wasn’t perfect. I’m sure my kids would be able to point out areas where Ronnie B and I could have done better. I can love and honor my parents even though life had a few bumps in the journey.
So why did I wait so long to pursue healing through therapy? I am not sure mainly that I am a coward and thought the therapist would see how dysfunctional I am. But the truth is we are all broken and need to heal areas of our lives and personalities. I have learned more about myself and grown more in these last few months than I can express. My new me is developing along with the awesome parts that only need a bit of refining. Also I am learning just how awesome I actually am. I know that sounds like bragging but the truth is each of us are pretty terrific. This deep dive into me has affirmed me and given my so much more confidence. That is exactly the opposite of what I thought it would do. Heck, I am even not feeling guilt for only being brave enough to do online therapy. That is huge for me to not feel like I fell short in some way. Should I have been going to therapy throughout my life? Yes. But I am looking forward and not in the rear view of regret.
I’m not sure if any of you are reluctant to dive into therapy. But there can be improving our lives even through honest conversations with our close friends. Finding someone you trust to be accountable to is so helpful. I find myself going over my new knowledge of myself with a couple close friends. It helps me see through their eyes if I am being honest in my processing. A big shout out to the connections in our life that have walked along side us and can sometimes see things that we can’t see in ourselves.
This is good that I share on my blog to my faithful few. It has been difficult for me to write lately. Life has been filled with physical pain and uncertainty. But I am my best when I write. Sharing my heart and my story is so healing for me. So I need to push myself to pick it back up daily. It matters. Thanks for being here in this journey with me.
In Him,
Joyful
8-5-23
Well done!
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