Hard Day But Not Impossible

Someone came up to me yesterday and gave me a hug and said there is absolutely nothing worse a mother could go through. I began to cry, then God gave me a peace. This is an enormous tragedy yet it could be so much worse. I have an assurance that my son is resting in the arms of Jesus. Ryan loved the Lord, oh he didn’t follow the laid out plan for sure, but he called fro prayers and prayed for others. So Ryan knew God walked beside him. The song, “What Faith Can Do” by Cutlass was his LIFE song. 1 line in particular seemed a challenge to him. ‘Impossible is not a word, it’s just a reason, for someone not to try.’

He recognized he needed to try and stop making excuses for his life. When he was giving, or helping others in any way there was a different light in his eyes. His crazy , concoctions were cooked with love and laughter. There was always enough to share with everyone in the whole neighborhood.

He loved his sweet Elissa. Finally he realized he was not in a healthy enough place to be near her for a while, so he moved away to get sober. Just after Christmas this year, they had an incredible week together. Ryan was totally present with his daughter and should get Dad of the year. She was his whole focus. Ice skating, reading books, sledding with cousins, and just sitting holding her while they recalled the good time they had shared made it an unforgettable week for both of them. I thank God for the sweet gift of that week.

This day for me is about all the people Ryan loved and all those who are driving tirelessly to lay on a bit of floor at my house with only 1 bathroom, just to be here to say goodbye to a man who loved all the people that he met. So for me today, the verse that will lead me through. My challenge verse that I have tried so long to make it through just 1 day adhering exactly to this verse is : 1Corinthians 16:14 Your every action must be done with love. So far, as I lay my head on my pillow at night, I have fallen short of this ideal. Perhaps, today at my sweet Ryan’s going away party, will be the day I make it through a whole day with love in my heart for others. ‘Impossible is just a reason, for me to not to try.’ Pray for me.

In Him,

Joyfully, Heartbroken Mom
4-10-2010