Bully Mom Puts Down Her Micromanaging Wand

Faith, trust, beliefs, these are three crucial trusts that a mom needs. Why oh why, do I get so caught up in my own belief that I can bully my kids into doing what is right. And right by what standards? The things I KNOW are right for my kids, rarely turn out to be the paths that lead to their happiness and success. Oh Mom of little faith. Yep, that is definitely me.

My micromanaging insanity has gotten less as my kids have grown but not really. When faced with the thought that these amazing young adults actually may have a clue what is good for them, I demand to have my better opinions heard. So what do I really know that God has no clue about? Not much!

As I was writing graduation cards yesterday and adding Jeremiah 29:11 to each card and reminding the grads to listen to God's path for them, I realized I am inflexible about listening to God's path for my own kids. 'I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future.' So that is what God promises. Yet, I throw my faith in the trash and truly believe that the only way to happiness for my kids is if they listen, not to Him, but to me. Arrogant? You bet!

Okay, so I talk the talk and now need to walk the walk. Ryan's path was not of my choosing. I would change the end to his life story for sure. Yet, as I listen to others talk about my son's generous, loving heart how can I doubt that he was just who he needed to be to so many. Tanner, I pushed and pushed to go to Denver this Spring. I KNEW that was the place where his life would take off in the right direction. Now he has moved across town into a shed in a backyard and is happy and flourishing. Cam, 3 kids and 2 houses at 25, no college education, well he didn't listen to my plans for him. Thank God! He makes twice what I do, loves life and his amazing family, and yeah is walking God's perfect path for his life. Natalie is moving home this weekend, no job, a boyfriend that I think is so wrong for her, and yet she speaks of helping with a youth group in town. Wait, should she not be following my plans, applying for jobs where I say, going to bed when I think she is tired? NO!

When am I going to grow up in my faith and let God direct my children's paths? My job should not be to boss and bully my kids into doing their lives my way, but to pray for them and to have faith in God's plans for them. So here I go.....letting go and letting God hold my kids in His loving arms. Ryan's journey is over on this earth. No more listening to Mom's tiresome lectures on should of and could ofs. Now he is with the One who knows that his life mattered in ways this Mom could not begin to understand. His path led him home with hundreds of lives touched and improved for having been a stone in his path.

Rest well Ryan, I will try to get on my knees when I get too bossy with your siblings. If I can look up and let God lead not only them, but especially me, my path will be as peaceful as it should be. I took the role of all knowing when I am certainly not all knowing. Now I just have to work on changing my behavior to 1 of faith and trust in God and in my kids.

In Him,
Joyfully letting go and letting God
5-30-2010