Change Me Lord

Tearful day where I questioned myself as a controlling mother, not so great friend, and perhaps even too emotional to be an effective teacher. I love my kids to a fault but they are grown and I shouldn't try to push them in the right direction. When will I learn that praying for them is my greatest gift not lecturing or bullying. Being a friend means being a friend even if I need to be the one extending my hand with no hand every time. Lately, I have mean spiritedly considered letting friendships just fade away. Who am I to judge why someone I love is not able to grab my hand right now? While I am in this time of drawing back myself how can I be so hard hearted? Then there are my students who deserve a teacher who is fully present every moment. Is that me? I spend my lunch hour locked in my classroom avoiding others and certainly don't spend my time productively planning.

Self doubt is so consuming. Then when I am at my lowest God sends an angel to reach out with comfort and reassurance beyond my wildest hope.

Barbara you are a beautiful, smart, selfless, honest, and creative person. You have the best advice, the purest heart, and the most AMAZING family. Your children are a testiment to your mothering abilities and I can only hope to raise my children half as well as you raised yours. I love you like a second mother and I am so happy to have you in my life. The Colsons are thinking of you and sending you love today. Why you ask? Because like Jim carey says in "Yes man" : Every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball. Well this is your ball mama, and your the guest of honor ♥

Thank you Freedom. I needed your too kind and generous words today. Although, I know I have a lot of changes to make in me it is helpful to hear someone has faith that I can be more than I am. 

Change me Lord, make me one who shines for you everyday in everyway.

In Him,

Joyful
1-25-2011