Family Filled Week 1st Responsibility

Today, I made a decision that feels right. At first, I was afraid it was cowardly or premature but I am now confident that it is what needs to happen. Let me tell you first off that my job and my kids are extremely important to me and that I take my responsibility to them extremely seriously. So today when I saw the test schedule for State testing I knew that this is where our diligient efforts all year are measured and decisions for each of my students are made based on their scores. Giving them the setting for testing that allows them to shine and show how hard they have worked to master skills is so important. No pressure for testing from me. Just an opportunity to show the growth they have made and celebrate the efforts they make daily to learn.

The dates stopped my breath, even though I knew them in my head for months. Seeing April 4th, April 5th, April 6th on a schedule just sat me down in my chair. How will I survive that week again? Can I buck up and be here for my students, my coworkers, my responsibilities? The truth is I just don't know. I would like to be brave and show up. But the reality is my decision to not show up is more responsible. The plan for testing can be set without me so the testing won't be interrupted if I am not able to be there.

A year ago that week was the worst any family can endure. This year we need to give ourselves permission to cling to one another and not feel guilty. Besides with my birthday on the 4th and Natalie turning 21 on the 6th my responsibility as a mom supercedes my responsibility as an educator this year.
It will be difficult walking through those days, a  year since Ryan died on April 5th, 2010.  I would like to spin it positively saying Ryan wrapped his trip Home in Natalie and my birthdays.

The song 'Safe In His Arms' brings tears to my eyes even as it comforts me that Ryan is safe in Christ's arms. Selfishly, I want my son here in my arms for a whole lot longer. I ache for him and the truth that on this earth I will never again hold my little boy.

 I hope coworkers will see that my decision to take that week off this year is me being honest about what I can and can't cope with.

In Him,
Joyful
1-19-2011

Verse:
To the one who's dreams are falling all apart
And all you're left with is a tired and broken heart
I can tell by your eyes you think your on your own
but you're not all alone

Have you heard of the One who can calm the raging seas
Give sight to the blind, pull the lame up to their feet
With a love so strong he'll never let you go
oh you're not alone

Chorus:
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

Verse 2:
Did you know that the voice that brings the dead to life
Is the very same voice that calls you to rise
So hear Him now He's calling you home
You will never be alone

These are hands that healed the leper
Pulled the lame up to their feet
These are the arms that were nailed to a cross
to break our chains and set us free