Highs and Lows Today

Emotional Mother's Day has tuckered me out. We started at church with them expressing the numerous tasks of a mother and the enormity of her heart. I was overwhelmed with missing not only my precious Ryan but Logan as well. There have been few moments when I have felt my inadequacies contributed to Ryan's death. God has protected me from guilt through most of this grieving process. But today when the pastor was talking about nurturing and guiding I just lost it. The tears flowed and the day's festivities seemed to loom in front of me like a mountain that is too high to climb. I left and went to the car and called Susi. She let me flush my uncertainties while she reassured me that Ry knew just how much he was loved and didn't leave because I made mistakes. Comforting!

Then it was off to church #2 where the service was on the beauty of women regardless of their outsides and in spite of the mistakes they have made. Perfect, I was so glad I had not opted for crawling under my bed after all. We then had a herd for lunch, then time relaxing with my new book in the sunshine and later Emmy made dinner for all of us.

God has a plan even when I don't feel safe or strong enough to take another step. When I put one foot in front of the other I am rewarded with powerful healing emotions. Today was a perfect example of that.

In Him,
Joyful