He's my son. Today was tough at church as they did a skit of a son dying and used the song, My Son. I couldn't stay I ran out of church and just kept running until a sweet friend stopped me and held me in her arms. God knows exactly how I feel because He watched His own son die for all of us.
Yesterday, I stayed on the couch when I wanted to be out in the beautiful falling snow watching the light parade with my children and grandchildren representing their churches. But I am trying to be honest with myself about what I can and cannot do right now. Grief is overwhelming me.
I cry not only for myself but for my Aunt Judy who lost Uncle Billy a year ago.
I cry for all of us who won't hug our loved ones again on this earth.
I cry for those who are still terrified by the choices their loved ones are making.
I cry for my children who don't have their brother.
I cry for all those who are walking alone through life who don't reach out to Christ who is right beside them.
I cry for my husband whose shoulders shake with his grief at losing his precious son.
I cry for you who don't know where your life is heading.
God, please comfort us in this joyous, yet emotional season.
I smile that we had the opportunity to have Ryan in our lives.
I smile that Dorothy and Elissa are ours because of his love for them.
I smile that we can lay our lives on Christ and never walk alone.
I smile because I am able to cry and be comforted by those who love me.
I smile because I know I will see my son again.
I smile because God knows where we are headed even when we don't.
But today I know it is okay to cuddle up with my box of tissue and just cry.
In Him,
Joyful
12-4-11
Yesterday, I stayed on the couch when I wanted to be out in the beautiful falling snow watching the light parade with my children and grandchildren representing their churches. But I am trying to be honest with myself about what I can and cannot do right now. Grief is overwhelming me.
I cry not only for myself but for my Aunt Judy who lost Uncle Billy a year ago.
I cry for all of us who won't hug our loved ones again on this earth.
I cry for those who are still terrified by the choices their loved ones are making.
I cry for my children who don't have their brother.
I cry for all those who are walking alone through life who don't reach out to Christ who is right beside them.
I cry for my husband whose shoulders shake with his grief at losing his precious son.
I cry for you who don't know where your life is heading.
God, please comfort us in this joyous, yet emotional season.
I smile that we had the opportunity to have Ryan in our lives.
I smile that Dorothy and Elissa are ours because of his love for them.
I smile that we can lay our lives on Christ and never walk alone.
I smile because I am able to cry and be comforted by those who love me.
I smile because I know I will see my son again.
I smile because God knows where we are headed even when we don't.
But today I know it is okay to cuddle up with my box of tissue and just cry.
In Him,
Joyful
12-4-11
My heart walks with you at this time of the year. Holiday times are so hard. Sweet memories flood our minds and reminds us of the love we lost. You are doing a great job. Talking it through and letting your heart heal. Your loved ones are all around you. Blessings dear mother.
ReplyDeleteQMM
Oh my Barb...... I'm sorry the hurt has been so bad today. Like Queenmothermamaw said, the holidays are hard. You are loved and respected by so many. Feel our love. Feel our arms around you. Feel Ryan's arms around you, too.
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