Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Out Of My Control And Into His

Oh how I pray for a patient heart as God is molding me through an attack. The direction my life and my career will take are completely in His hands. Yet I weep. To be misunderstood, to be condemned is not what I have ever had to endure. This will end with a blessing to me and to those who are touched by my life. But for now I need to crawl in bed and weep. God is in control. There is nothing for me to do, nothing for me to decide. What will be will be His plan and I will embrace it.

How I long to defend myself but that is not in the plan. This is beyond what is real and what is right. This is distorted and I need to cling to the truth that God knows my heart and my motives.  It is not about truth it is about perceptions and the truth can't always break misconceptions.

I know I am being vague in this writing and I apologize. But the truth is that this year at work has been bittersweet. I know God called me to this program. I know the staff I have are incredible and we have all done all in our power to provide the right environment for our students. I know God has a plan for each of us and for these amazing kids next year.

So I will do my best to pray for God's wisdom for all of us even when I would rather scream and shout. Once again life is too hard for me to try to do on my own and that always draws me closer to Him.

In Him,


  1. Thank you Barbara!! This touches my heart today and I needed to hear it. Your words are exactly what I am feeling. Now I know what to do!!! Love you!!

  2. You are faithful and strong, I can tell by your words, and a reward will come.

  3. Barbara--you are an inspiration to me. Thank you for all of your words and thoughts. Love you!!!