Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Post From Day After Suicide Changed My Family


Life will never be quite the same after today. My precious, tormented son took his own life. How can this be? Only faith and our relationships will get us through this heartbreak. Numb, crushed, unable to breath are a few ways people described their ache. God you must cradle him in your arms for me now.

Never again will I pick up the phone and hear, "Hello, beautiful!" I can't stop calling his phone to hear his voice on the other end. This voice that was forever silenced on April 5th. Parents should never have to make arrangements like this. Our kids are supposed to lay us to rest, not the other way around.

God performed a miracle for me the night before I lost my son. I met a cousin of my friend Jenn, and actually had dinner with her Sunday night after Jenn's surgery. Years ago, her son took his life. I asked her how she possibly survived such a loss. She said it so simple, "By faith."
No big mystery. Just have a continuous, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Unbelievably, not even 24 hours later I was faced with the untimely loss of my son. It has been an amazingly long day. 'By faith' my family is making it through. Looking at pictures, reliving memories, and a whole lot of time spent holding loved ones hands and kneeling on our knees before our Awesome God. This house has not seen prayer of this magnitude in far too long. Good news is, we are putting God at the center of all of this.

Ryan is resting in God's faithful arms tonight and I am managing a peaceful, loneliness while surrounded by my family and friends. There are already countless blessings from Ryan's death as we all come together to celebrate his life. Hope he in some way knows how very much he touched so many.

In Him,
Joyful but lonely

Reposted almost 3 years later just to remind myself and others of God's faithfulness in even our darkest moment.

I can do ll things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13


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  2. Kavin, you honor me with your comment. Thank you.

  3. Feeling every word you wrote, Barbara. We lost my baby brother to suicide in August of 1995. He was only 23 yrs old. God has faithfully sustained my parents and my other brother and me through the pain and sorrow and challenges of losing James, year after year since. I honestly can't imagine where we'd be without Him.

    Elaine W.