Wednesday, February 19, 2014

My Father, Not My Master

"Servants can only bring others to a master. Sons are the ones who can point others to their Father."
       By: Jack Winter's Homecoming

This really touches my heart. I try so hard not to be Martha with tasks to complete but Mary who can sit without guilt at Jesus' feet. One of my greatest concerns about retirement is that I will have free time and feel guilt rather than pleasure at relaxing into it. It is sad that our self worth gets so caught up in accomplishments instead of relationships. This is a stronghold that I need to shatter.

Today, my sweet Mom is having a busy day. She is taking her dog to the groomer and going to play cards with her friends. It is natural to be crazy with schedules when we have kids at home and careers. What is hard is the transition from a house full of schedules to just the 2 of us with less on our calendar. I am reading a book by Jack Frost Embracing Father's Love. I am learning so much about myself and how I value my servant self more than my relationship self.

Since we lost Ryan, I have holed up and done very little socializing. I was such a social person before this heartbreak. Ron has been wonderful getting me out there on Saturday morning breakfasts with other couples. Left to my own, I am content being home alone. Today, I sit here writing this while other staff are laughing and conversing over an extended lunch. Home is my comfort zone but also my self imposed prison.

It is up to me to continue praying for God to show me a way to get back into ministry and off my couch. Then I have to be willing to take a risk and move into relationships once again. I never thought that I would be someone so frightened of connecting with others. My Father Knows and I just need to rest in that and let Him be my Dad.

In Him,

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