"This is not hard."
"It is going to be okay."
We tend to utter these words even when we have no concept of just how hard something is going to be.or if it will truly be okay. They aren't spoken because we are trying to deceive our friend or family member. We say them as our own prayer that it will not be as hard as it seems and that it will end well. Unfortunately, life is full of moments and situations that are too hard to bear and end with heartbreaking loss. Losing our son to suicide was one. Everyone around us was at a loss for words. Words didn't matter. Their hearts for us was what helped us survive this too hard, not okay journey.
Grace for others.
Even misspoken words can comfort when they come from someone's heart for us. The hardest came to me from another mother who just said I should choose to be happy. Just decide to be okay. Her words baffled me. How could I just erase my pain? Or was we supposed to 'act as if' until we got our hearts to that place? The truth is she was just overwhelmed with seeing my suffering and wanted some way, anyway to relieve it. Her words were off but her heart was precious. Don't be afraid to share your heart with others going through the unimaginably painful life events. Your words might miss the mark but your love and compassion will be felt.
One of our close friends dropped off a care package with his and her's Kleenex boxes, dinner, mindless magazines, and a sweet note. I will never forget her heart for us. But even those who seem to say the wrong thing are reaching out with love. Love can never be a bad thing. There is truth in their words even if the timing is bad. It wasn't so hard that we didn't get through it. Although life is different we are okay. In fact, our loss has opened up opportunities to reach out and love on others who are going through great loss.
Do everything in love.
Sometimes this means saying the wrong things. Sometimes this means seeing past the words and into the heart. If we do this it will not be as hard and will eventually be okay.