This morning was a three a.m. wake-up. Yesterday, the worst happened to a friend. She sent a snarky text about me meant for someone else to me by mistake. I have feared this would happen to me when I allow myself to use ugly words myself. But the thing is that I had no idea she would say the things she said or how she jumped to such wrong conclusions about me. So last night, I kept going over in my head all our conversations and what I did to give the impression she was sharing of me. I will be honest that I had some hard truths of conversations where I said too much. Even though her cutting words didn’t jive with what I said or how I was feeling in this situation. There are plenty of other words I spoke over coffee with her that were shameful. She is probably mortified that I saw her harsh thoughts about me. But she doesn’t need to fret. I am the one who is ashamed with my own behaviors on other occasions that gave her the basis to think the worst of me.
My hope is that we can move past this and love one another. She is my people and she doesn’t need my forgiveness. I need hers. Hopefully, this window into a close friends thoughts about me is the wake-up call I needed. Renewing my commitment to encourage and support rather than condemn and judge others. That way it won’t even be a thought in someone’s mind that I could be so negative. So today I strive toward a better version of me. A version that makes kindness and self-control my go to. It seems I have gotten into a horrible habit of whining to others rather than speaking directly to the person I have a problem with. Better yet, I could and should not involve myself in judgmental thoughts in the first place. Time to clean my own house rather than throwing stones at others.
Please pray for me. This is a relationship I value and couldn’t bare to lose.
In Him,
Joyful
You have a humble and willing to learn and improve attitude and I hope I do too. Like you wrote, time to clean my own house. I hope your friendship will mend.
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