My Bed Can't Be My Life

But I want to write, I think I need to write, so why am I not writing? I even had a wonderful weekend doing yardwork with my hubby and girls that I love, what a good feeling to look out at our accomplishment. Then off camping with Ron and the grandkids and family. I should be tired but pleasantly so. Things to write about? Indeed, life is moving forward everyday.

I just feel stuck. Like I don't want to move. Anything and everything is overwhelming. A night out with a dear friend who made me a wonderful dinner, a sweet movie, and hottub with deep conversation seemed a chore. Nothing about the night was not great except my heart. Going places and participating is healthy but I just want to hide. Crawl into bed and sleep. Then when I go to bed sleep doesn't come anyway.

This grief process is tough. Thankfully, those I love are not allowing me to isolate and they are encouraging me to write. I need this blog and I need you to help me when I get stuck. Ron is so patient, loving, and encouraging. I thank God we are clinging to each other through this process. Missing Ryan is good. He mattered and we shared our lives with his. That is something else I thank God for. The opportunity to have our chosen family of 6. 

Camping in the old yellow van brought back such warm memories of trips with all the kids. Having our granddaughters up in the top bunk, gave me hope for the future. We will just have to go on without our Scooter. For now, I need to just take it 1 day at a time. 

In Him,

Joyful
5-23-2010