Others, Not Me, Me, Me

Hypocrite, yep that is an accurate term to describe me. I preach the 'Others' speech to students and anyone who will listen. 'Reach out to others, help others, the harder your life is the more you should focus outward on others.'  That is not what I have been doing these past 3 months.

I chose not to take middle schoolers to camp, I have not been calling and hanging out with kids or my friends. I have been spending way too much time in my bed and in my sorrow. I have turned inward, exactly what I warn others not to do. Reach out? Not now, I am too sad, too broken, too scared, too overwhelmed these are my excuses to not reach out or even live life.

Okay, so I have a lot of anquish in my life right now. Ryan is dead at his own hand, Natalie is trying desperately to find her direction in life, with all the turmoil she has had to endure, Elissa is with us, but no guarantees for how long, Tanner is off making his way and I barely see him. So I have ample excuses to take to my bed. Time to count my woes instead of my blessings. Right!?

No, that is not the way it is supposed to work. These past 3 months, like the rest of my life have been chocked full of incredible blessings. I have reconnected with so many friends, I have a much clearer picture of who my son was to countless people in his short, 24 year life, and my family and friends have been here if I would only reach out and accept their love and support. It has been my poor choice to walk away and turn away from my life. This is all in my control. I need to be a part of others lives. It is who I am and it is what I do. No one advised me to stop being me because life got hard, but that is what I have been doing.

Instead of drawing strength from being there for others, I have decided to be a hermit. That may be the way to go for a crab, but not for me. So tomorrow is a new day, the start of a new week. So call me and get me off my mattress and out in the world with OTHERS!

In Him,
Joyful
7-8-2010