Connection Please

I have always hated it when there was a horrible fight with one of my kids. Screaming hurtful words at each other seemed to me the worst possible thing for family members to live through. Tonight I realize that as painful as shouting matches are, at least they are interaction. Being with someone I love and realizing each of us has nothing at all to say to one another breaks my heart. It is like I am a stranger in my own home and the night can't end quick enough. Really it is worse than being a stranger because it wouldn't matter if a stranger had no connection to me. That is kind of the definition of a stranger. Feeling my child has no connection to me is heart shattering.

This is not one sided I realize. My heart is torn right now and I need to reach out but can't seem to lift my arms. I asked if we could start praying together so at least we could hold hands for a few minutes and share our hearts in a Christ centered whisper.

The worst part is we used to have everything to say to one another. Sharing creativity, bedtime secrets, and just spending time together was relaxed, comfortable, just plain easy. When did life change? How long did this silence exist before I opened my eyes to the sad reality.

I just want my heart back so I don't feel so cold and lonely. Suddenly, a tight desperate hug along with tears and the connection is back. Words flow between us along with apologies, understanding, and forgiveness. Thank you God for answered prayers.

In Him,
Joyful