Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Sad Just Because

In a sad mood and I can't really say why. School is going well, my kids are awesome, Ron and I are loving each other, yet I am in a kind of weepy mood. Maybe it is the weather? Isn't that what people say when they can't seem to pinpoint why they are feeling blue? I don't know that anything in particular is reminding me of losses from life but that could be part of it. It seems that time just keeps slipping by and the heartaches from the past are catching my breath and lingering for some reason.

Making a list of past heartaches would be a terrible idea but seems like what I need to do. Why can't I be sitting here creating a list of all the countless blessings in my life? Just feeling in a funk and trying to keep this pity party from happening.

How can I possibly justify these feelings of grieve? I am surrounded by life and those who love me. We even tell kids to 'look at the bright side.' But what I really want to do is curl up and pull the covers up and sob.

I miss Ryan.
I want to go back to Ryan and Tanner in clown suits sitting at the end of the drive.
I miss my Mountain family.
I wanted to do more for my Mountain students.
I wonder what Logan's life is like.
I worry that my mom and mother-in-love are getting older and are lonely.
I miss my grandkids being a few miles away.
I dread taxes.
I can't get motivated to be around crowds of people.
I am at a loss on how to minister to others.
I am just sad.

I love my students at the middle school.
I enjoy my staff at the middle school.
Ron and I are in such a great place.
I am blessed with my kids and grandkids reaching toward their goals.
I love my relationship with Christ.
I know I am impacting the lives of my students and other middle schoolers everyday.
I believe I am where God wants me.
I trust that I will feel better.
I know the tears will be replaced with smiles.
I am blessed.

In Him,


  1. Bless you my dear friend. Your noise is joyful to the Lord, a serious mellifluos sonnet of eternal proportions. Keep sending sound

  2. I'm sorry you're sad. I love you. I'm glad you're feeling your grief about Mountain. I think you've held that at bay but now it's time to feel it. Thanks for sharing your heart. You are so loved, by so many.

  3. I'm late checking up on blogs, just came across this. I have sad days too...things just pile up once in awhile. I've decided it's OK. Life can't be joyous every minute. When I'm down, I like to take a day to myself. Do things I love, bake, read, spend time w/ God. It's helpful. The next day, things look better. Even Christ retreated when he was weary. Thinking of you. So sorry about the loss of Ryan.