Each of us wants to be remembered for being caring, kind, and compassionate. It is probably also true that none of us want to be remembered as negative, selfish, or hateful. Life gets messy, complicated and tough at times. I know for me I can easily fall into a puddle of jealousy and complaint. I am rereading the book Unoffended by Brandt Hansen. Let me just say that this will not be my last time to read his book. Constant reminders to not be offended or angry keeps me from acting on my orphan spirit I are necessary to keep me from my self-incuded pity party.
So here I sit early in the morning with my cup of steaming, black coffee and puppy by my side blogging. This is my hope. To be remembered through my words and stories. That others will see my heart for them as they read my words. I write for me. It is healing to share. My fear is that someone will be offended if I have left our memory in my posts. The sad truth is I would be offended. My orphan spirit would lead me to count up how many times I was written about compared to others. That is so sad but so true about me. But that is not how I want to be remembered. Please don't remember me for my jealousy. I blog what is on my heart. Rarely do I stop and consider how fare my words are to all those I love. But I wouldn't hurt or offend anyone for the world.
So why do I get so jealous and offended by others? My mind knows it is not fair to grab the measuring stick to continuously make sure I am loved as much as others. But I tend to not only grab that stick but shake it high in the air. Pointing out how I am neglected and left out. If my motives in blogging are not to offend, how can I put on others that their motives are to offend by their actions? I can't. I shouldn't. How offensive of me to get jealous and presume to know the hearts of others.
I want to be remembered as caring, kind, and compassionate. I don't want to be an obligation that others have to continuously be sure not to offend. Each of us has our own demons to tame. Mine is definitely my orphan spirit. Taming it may take a lifetime of reminding myself that I am loved and always will be. Yeah, I want to live that way~grateful.