At 63 I Am Not the Fixer Anymore but I Still Have a Role

I can’t imagine something more painful than a kidney stone but having my son in kidney stone pain is so much worse. Knowing the agony of a stone waiting for surgery makes Cam’s experiencing it too real. It doesn’t matter how old children are, any mother would rather endure tha pain than see her child suffer. Poor Cam. Kidney stones are horrific because their is no predicting when they will move or if they can pass on their own. His can’t. This 1cm stone will have to be blasted into a million pieces and then pass.

This time of life where I can’t fix it for my adult kids or my aging Mom is tough. I spent years being able to kiss their booboos and wipe their tears. Now there are things that my kisses just can’t fix. It is reality but also frustrating. Mom is declining so rapidly and their is nothing my sister and I can do but love her and be there to encourage her. The gift is that she is not worried or paranoid. Most of the time she is happy and secure not knowing what she doesn’t know. Occasionally, she will get frustrated when she can’t remember but those moments of clarity are getting fewer.

I learned in Young Life that life can be too difficult to handle on our own. This encourages us to not try to walk through life on our own but fall to our knees and let God walk beside us. Fixing circumstances is not my job anymore. Praying for situations and being present to support my loved ones is what I am tasked with now. So I need to retire my micromanaging wand and pick up my Bible and rest in the fact that God loves each of them more than I do and He sees the big picture. For now I need to try to be more like my Mom and let go of worry and paranoia.

In Him,
Joyful
4-4-19