Belonging When the Time is Right

It occurs to me that I like most of us want to belong. Often I have written about being offended and disappointed because of my feelings of abandonment or exclusion. Heck, I even read a book called Unoffended to deal with my own processes. But how do I cope when it feels like I don't belong especially in a place I am meant to belong? There are no answers that I have found. The one thing I do know is that trying to force myself to fit in or change myself to fit in does not work. Relentlessly reaching out to those I want to connect with is not the answer. It is true what is said that if a relationship is one sided it may not be a relationship at all. Pestering others to include me is not the answer. Could it be that this is not where God intends me to walk? Could it be that he is protecting others or even me from the big picture. It hurts and feels like abandonment that this place of belonging does not restore.

 But I know a few of things to be true even in my broken heart of this circumstance. I know that I belong in other beautiful, fulfilling relationships. I know that God works out all things for His good. I know that I am called to not lean on my own understanding or timing. I know that even in distance I can be connected by praying for others.

I am not in control of others but I am in control of me. Peace about the situation is only possible if I let it go and trust God loves us both and can heal and bring us back to a place of belonging. My fix it nature wants to keep doing things my way to set things right. But I don't belong to be the fixer here. The hardest thing to do is release our way and trust that God is working not only on me through this but also the people I am separated from. How it consumes my mind is only good if when it enters my thoughts, I pray for connection rather than trying to scheme for connection. That is beyond tough for me because you can bet I have a million plans right at the tip of my thoughts that would surely help not hurt this. But I am learning that silence is powerful. Patience and trusting is more important than my own roll up my sleeves and make this right attitude.

God has already proven to me over and over that in His timing I will once again belong when it is my heart's desire. Ron and I have an enviable marriage. But we also had six years of separation that broke our hearts. For that season we didn't belong together or fit. Through patience and faith we found our way back to belonging as a couple. If it was up to me it surely wouldn't have taken so long or hurt so much. Others advised each of us to give up, move on~you two do not belong together. God put it on our hearts that we did belong together and when the time was right with the help of a kidney stone of all things, God brought our relationship back to a healthy together. It was not only restored but beyond better than if we had never been apart. Who knew? Not me.

So I give this season of separation to God then I snatch it back. I have to remember to pray when I think my fix will be better than God's. My focus needs to be on how much better my belonging when the time is right. That I trust.

In Him,
Joyful
1-26-19