Rubbing My Own Way Rarely Helps Heal

I need a reset, a shift in focus. The truth is I find myself spending much of my time focused on a circumstance that breaks my heart but that I am powerless to change or control. Everyday I tell myself I am going to leave it in God’s hands and let Him fight this battle for me.. As I start my day with a Bible teaching, I am reminded that my faith is enough for even this situation. But as the day goes along I keep coming back to the itch of this relationship and can’t help but scratch it. Knowing that ignoring the itch will cause it to stop faster than clawing at it over and over is not enough to keep me from scratching. This is an unending circle of focus since after I try to figure it our and plan my own way to fix everything, I feel like I am a failure in my faith. My dwelling on it makes me feel like I am not trusting God to heal this or even trust that He is aware of the ache in my heart. Now I know that He has never left my side but still I grab this back like I am better equipped to set things right. Perhaps He didn’t think of this perfect solution! Hmmm.

I liked when my Bible study this week said to focus on all the past fixes God has accomplished in my life. Solutions I couldn’t have come up with and certainly didn’t think would be the one that heals. For example, Ron and I were separated for six hard years. God used my kidney stone and the three word prayers of my Young Life girls to bring us back under one roof. Now I had trust in the prayers of my girls but I never would have come up with a goat head shaped piece of calcium to turn our two households back into one. How many times did I try to fix us myself. How many times did I complain that this was taking too long and costing too much? My faith, my hope struggled throughout those years of heartbreak. But in the end it didn’t matter how long we were apart. It mattered that we were where we were supposed to be, together and loving each other more than ever before. Looking back I believe we needed all that time to come together whole rather than a quick fix that could easily have broke down again. God knew us and our love for each other better than either of us did throughout the process.

So I end this with the hope for resolution and just as important hope for my trust in God’s ways and His timing to set this right. It also comforts me that He doesn’t give up even when I keep getting my fingers in the way with doubt and my own brand of tonic.Be thankful in all things. Hmmm. What I will try to refocus on is the joy that will come when this circumstance is behind me in His most perfect way. Until then............I will keep praying for a right focus and forgive myself as I muddy up the process.

In Him,
Joyful
2-19-20