An Exhausting, Joyful Week of Mixed Emotions and Faith

 What an emotional Thanksgiving week this has been. Not just for me but for so many around the globe. My heart aches for Rosie and her grandsons at the loss a year ago of their parents and her kids to a drunk driver who then took his own life. Even his family surely had hope that he would one day turn his life around. I ache for their loss as well as Jenn's family's. The anniversary of Teri's Covid death brought me right back to another round of shingles. My son, Tanner, has a horribly infected burn on his leg that has gone untreated properly and terrifies me. The joy is in the time spent together with two of our kids and their families in California. Seeing Felix' one year old smiles as he discovers the beach for the very first time. Knowing that my kids are sober, succeeding, and growing in life is a peace that some moms don't enjoy this week. The worry of where their adult kids are and if they are going to survive addiction leaves them gripped and sleepless with fear. I am blessed that I am not there but ache for their hearts.

Watching Felix get to know his Bethany and Uncle Tano is so precious. He melted their hearts as he attempted to call them by name in his baby speak. Today, Tanner assures me he is indeed in the hospital getting his leg surgically fixed with the infection cut out. Sounds beyond painful especially since he refuses opiates for pain. He has overcome too much to get his sobriety and refuses to put that at risk. 

This is my week of mixed emotions and each of you have experienced the joy and difficult this week as well. I pray for my heart and yours to cling to your faith through the most difficult and the most joyful. Christ is my embrace that keeps me sane when I can't force my son to seek treatment or when he was living on the streets with addiction and I couldn't reach him. Christ is my peace when my kids push me away and when I can't bully them into living life and making choices my way. So He helps me put down my micromanaging wand and turn my hands up with the knowledge that He loves them more than I ever can. He also sees the big picture when I get bogged down in the daily situations of life. It is for me to trust and know that even when the absolute worst happens like losing my son to suicide, I don't walk alone. Christ is always with me even when I don't acknowledge His presence. This week I have been able to stay mostly calm by taking the time I so desperately needed to be in His presence. Through Bible, prayer and just silence with Him I was able to survive the week and actually enjoy time together. 

Now I am praying my son doesn't lose his leg today to this horrible infection that covers a large portion of his lower calf. I'm okay that his tattoo will be lost but that he recovers without losing the life he has earned is my prayer. This picture is filled with joy and I am clinging to that.

In Him,

Joyful

11-28-21