Palms Up to Release my Grip

 Oh the peace of prayer is a powerful chaser to fear. It is not always easy to loosen my grip and turn my hands up. God knows more often than not I am clinging to my ways and shouting for others to follow me. I don't  turn first to faith but choose to trust that I myself have all the answers. 

So the past few days I have been terrified by a leg infection my son had on his leg. Every medical person that I sought advice from told me he must not wait but go immediately for surgery or he could lose his leg or his life. I drowned in the truth tbey were stating. What I didn't do is what my Ronnie B. does so well. He trusted Tanner and he trusted God's love for our son. While I pestered and tried to bully Tanner into following my plan, Ron let Tanner hold the reigns. 

Last night Tanner went to the ER and got his leg taken care of. They did a catscan to see what damage was there in his leg. He had all the dead skin removed and was given an antibiotic and sent home. No surgery, no amputation, and no death were the results of him choosing his own timing to walk into the hospital. I need to focus on the history of Tanner's walk with the Lord and all that Jesus has protected him from to get him to the life he is living and loving now. Tanner is no longer homeless fighting addictions but has a home, career he loves and the best life partner I could hope for him.

What Tanner could see that he couldn't express or I couldn't hear was that he didn't need a mommy to be at the hospital but the love of his life. His timing was delayed so he could have her off work and right beside him as he faced whatever the medical circumstance called for. He was not alone through this and he was in control the whole time. It made me crazy that I couldn't be in control. But how often do I get reminded that I was never in control in the first place. All the frustration and sleepless fretting only made me and my son crazy. It is always a challenge to release our grip and trust. This week was proof that I have a ways to go in my own faith walk. How often do I ignore other's advice and worry them? God only knows. 

I love my son and wish I hadn't wasted time with hysteria but believed he would and could be healed. What I recognize now is that Tanner and Bethany needed each other to get through this. Tanner was afraid of the docs giving him opiates that he has worked so hard at putting that addiction behind him. My son is wiser than I know and I just need to keep remembering that I don't have all the answers. It is not for me t kiss his boo boos for him as my adult son. Their forgiveness was swift, letting me off the hook for slammimg my fists to try and get my way. Today I will spend time with a grateful heart that my son is sober, healing and has faith as well as his loving Bethany.

In Him,

Joyful

11-20-21