Yesterday’s post came off as darker than I meant it to read. Life writes on my life losses along with gains. In this season of my life I am so grateful for all the people I get to love and be loved by. Perhaps I am focusing too much on my grief right now. Finding a balance of being honest with my emotions while embracing those around me is difficult. This season a year ago I lost my son-in-love. Hector was a son to me and I am so sad not to have him in my life anymore. More than my own grief, I am grieving for my two grandgirls who lost a dad and his family who lost a son and a brother. A year ago, I wrote a blog on Fill me up so I can pour out. That is the prayer I asked for. My need for love pouring into me so that I could fill others with the love I had for them.
But along with heartache comes joy. This season Hector’s two girls will be at my home for part of the Christmas season. Tanner and Bethany are coming home, Natalie’s family lives here and my holidays will be filled with laughter and love. My heart’s desire would be to have all my kids and grand kiddos in one place. That is a prayer that I try to be patient until it is answered. This year I get to be surrounded by friends who love and lift me up through laughter and tears.
Ronnie B is perhaps my greatest gift. He walks beside me not only on the road to Starbucks but in life. Often he knows what I need even more than I do. Our love story is absolutely my favorite not because it has been perfect but because we have overcome all the imperfect seasons of our story. Being Barbara Barber still tickles me as people respond to my repeating name. It gives me an opportunity to share that we were high school sweethearts and celebrated out forty-fifth anniversary. I also tell them that Ron is worth having such a unique name and that our faith and praying together is the key that keeps us joyfully together.
Sharing my faith with strangers has become a part of who I am. From my name to sharing my book with an encouraging message to explaining the meaning of the tattoos on both my wrists. All three connect me to others that I get to encourage and embrace for a moment. Sharing my faith journey through life is my absolutely favorite part of my sixty-six years of life. The first fifty I didn’t have the courage or boldness to let others know just how my relationship with Jesus has brought me through the losses that could have crushed me. I share His love because life does write all over us and I don’t want any friend, family member, or stranger to have to walk through life alone.
So I apologize for yesterday’s post that came off as me without hope. Hope in Him makes me know that I should be honestly grieving loss but not isolating but embracing all the people in my life. Today I am going to decorate for Christmas while playing Christmas music on Alexa. Even my Echo is a gift since it gives me my childhood favorites and most any song I could ask for filling my home with joy. Even the sound coming from that five inch speaker is a gift since it has better quality than our old two foot speakers. Those speakers were great to put decorations on though so I will try to look back on them fondly as well.
Enjoy your day, call a friend or family member that you haven’t spoken with in a while. Basically embrace the love you have for others and the love others have for you. Let it be a filled up kind of day for each of us.
In Him,
Joyful
12-8-22
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