A blank page………. What comes to mind when I say a blank page? A fresh start, something to be filled, a possibility are all thoughts that come to mind. There are times that I have dreaded the blank page as I worried about what I was supposed to fill it with or how I could even begin. Other times I have been excited for the freshness of a beginning rather than continuing with the clutter of a page already filled.
When I was teaching, which I loved, I called the rough draft a sloppy copy and the finished product the neat sheet. It is supposed to be a mess of ideas that fill up that sloppy copy. I would even go so far as to take the chaos of words and cut them into strips or bits and organize them to bring like thoughts together. To begin anything has to start with pouring everything in my brain onto that blank page and then weeding out what doesn’t fit and organizing what does.
Sheila Walsh said that this New Year rather than filling her page with plans and goals, she signed her name to a blank page. This was her way of saying to God that His plans for her year were what she would look to and where she would go. I like that idea of leaving room to be pliable in God’s hands but my fear is that I would not listen to His gentle nudging me in the steps I need to take. It feels like a choice to do nothing rather than something. Then I began to think back on the times where I did feel Him pressing in my back to take a step. It was so clear and persistent. Even when I took awhile to say yes because of stubbornly believing it was not His direction I was hearing.
A few examples of this is wash their feet……when I had a group of teens in my home. This led to me drawing closer to each of them as I discovered feet covered in self inflicted cuts on the bottom of one girl’s feet. Others stepped forward and shared their own scars so she was included not ashamed. My yes to washing the feet of mostly unchurched girls who I thought wouldn’t understand was the beginning of this blog. We teamed up to pick up a pen or a keyboard and write when one of them was craving the blade.
Another yes to a blank page was when I moved the boulder out of my path to writing and sharing my journey in book form on Amazon. What I saw as a boulder that sat me down rather than kicking it out of my way turned out to be more of a pebble in my path. That no it won’t work mentality kept me from finishing what God started for almost a year. Obedience is difficult when I am not confident in my direction or abilities. Doing the unknown of putting this book together was unfamiliar territory and I didn’t feel worthy of taking the next steps.
At times like this new year, it is frightening to give a blank page promise to listen to and follow through on God’s plans for my days, weeks and months. It would be easier to make my own goals and then I am only breaking my promise to me when or if I fail. But my life’s goal is simple yet complex…..to know Him and to make Him known. The more time I spend in relationship with Him the clearer I will hear exactly how to fill my blank page and hopefully the quicker I will be with my yes. What I need to be intentional about is to pour onto my sloppy copy so I will end this year and the next with a neat sheet that builds my relationship with Him and helps others to see just how precious that relationship is to me. Then giving them the key to know Him simply by accepting that Jesus will guide them through the storms, the sunshine, and even the losses of life.
In Him,
Joyful
1-4-23
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