Today Chrystal challenged me on her podcast with what are my dreams…….not my goals but my dreams. Like how do I want to spend my life now and with the time I have left. Realistically most of us have about eighty years to live life to the fullest if we are lucky. So what are my desires? How do I want to spend my time not necessarily how do I need to spend my time? This is a different list than my to do list or my should do list. It is my what fills me up as opposed to what wastes my time.
Jenn deleted games from her phone because she was spending too much time playing them. I have done this time and time again only to add them back on my home screen. This is one time suck that I would love to permanently replace with spending time on what fills me up.
So sitting here this early morning where it is dark outside, I am creating a list of my dreams or to put it another way, things that deserve my time and energy. What have I always loved that I no longer make time for? Here I have more free time than I have ever had with an empty nest and I don’t spend my days doing what I love.
So here goes. Recognize these are mine not yours. You would need to make your own list. Is it the same list I had in my twenties? Nope. Life has changed me. I also recognize that the scars of life have made me resistant to engage in somethings that I would love to do. Hmmmm, how do I resolve those things? Perhaps baby steps to get the courage to walk back into them. Being a people person has always been how I identify as a people person but the fact is that I mostly avoid groups and even phone calls. My dream has never been to isolate but I find myself pulling away or not stepping in at this time of my life. The phone games and watching programs on my iPad are evidence of this. They say success builds success and stepping in will remind me that I am still a people person and hopefully change my days.
Oh to spend my time in ways that will fill me up with dreams come true.
Connecting with others. Crocheting prayer blankets for newborns. Swimming or just being in the water. Connecting with Jesus. Sharing Jesus. Writing. Spending time with those who call me Noni. Spending time with Ron. Camping in my Chinook. Traveling. Coffee, Bible study and writing at 5am.
I am sure there are a lot more that should be on this list. But as I reflect on how I spend my time it becomes clear where I am succeeding in my days and where I am falling short. So rather than beating myself up for not prioritizing correctly, I want to make an action plan and celebrate where I am getting it right. The trouble I have is two-fold at least. Procrastination and reluctance stop me from stepping into the life I long for. I procrastinate swimming but find myself reluctant to reach out to others. Why is it easier for me to chat in a grocery line than to call a loved one on the phone or give an invite to get together? I think Covid and the hectic pace of life have made us less likely to sit around our dining room tables enjoying conversation.
You don’t need to be bored with my game plan to make the changes I want in my days. But I know it will involve being intentional about shifting my time. Just deleting games on my phone is not enough. I need to put the yarn basket next to my spot where I watch tv. Setting up a list of those I want to connect with and even a once a week or once a month plan to call or get together is necessary. But these are only going to change if I follow through.
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