Yes I got it…… Thank you mom and Dad. I cannot express how grateful and thankful and how lucky I am to have been given to two of the most kind, caring, loving, generous people on this earth. It does not surprise me when I run into shitty people, who lack all morals, who always only think of themselves and how they and everyone around them can enrich their lives, because that type of person seems to be almost everywhere we look I feel like. What does surprise me however, is when you meet, run into, work or best yet, get to be raised by people who actually care, love, support and give the shirts off their backs if someone else was in need of it more than themselves. And God blessed me and Natalie and Cameron and Ryan all with the most beautiful and incredible and brilliant couple to be raised by because he knew that you two had the strength, the courage and most of all, the love that is required to not just raise a family, but to help us grow into who each of us are today. You loved me enough to say no even when it hurt you the most because you knew it’s what was best for me. You had the wisdom to know that just giving me everything I ever wanted in life wasn’t going to help me.
This time I have spent being sober again, finding myself again, has given me a lot of new perspective that I hadn’t seen before(probably because I didn’t want to see it), or deal with it or take accountability for. Using drugs for a decade really takes a toll on a person’s body, psyche, faith…. The amount of shame and guilt and disgust and disbelief I had about myself and my actions made me sick to my stomach all the time and continuing to use drugs just continued to numb me and keep me sick in my mind and body. And I finally have found the true me again, and it is all so clear to me now that if I were to ever choose to start using again would mean I have given up in humanity, I have given up in faith, I have given up in love and care and compassion.
But then I think of my parents… and think of how they raised 4 kids without ever having “idiots guide to…”. I think of how you guys have endured so much pain in losing a son, a brother, a mother, a father, best friends…. And you still have the strength and the courage and the faith and love that you show all of us children all the time in your endless love and giving and it empowers me, it strengthens me and gives me resolve and today I want to be a good person, I want to be a best friend, I want to be a loving boyfriend and husband, I want to be a brother that my sister and my brother can always not only reach out to but can look up to and admire the qualities that my parents have instilled in me and that I try my best to mirror every day.
If it weren’t for such a loving and caring Dad I wouldn’t know how to do anything… You are one of the smartest people I have ever met Dad. You showed me how to fix cars, ski, camp, scuba dive, build literally anything I want, shown me how to have patience and take my time with everything I do.
If it wasn’t for you Mom I wouldn’t know how to be a risk taker, take chances in life, I wouldn’t know that it’s ok to be vulnerable and let my guard down. You showed me how to learn to listen to myself. Because of you I learned what my skills and strengths are and that I am very smart and talented and confident and a true leader.
Both of you instilled in me what it is to love unconditionally. I literally could go on for days giving you both example after example of what you have taught me or shown me how to learn for myself. With every day that passes and as the years go by quicker and quicker the more I admire both of you. The more I love and appreciate you and wish that we could just spend more time together.
I know that with all of my past transgressions in this life words may fall flat, texts don’t truly portray feeling, and that I am never going to exclaim that I will never mess up again or fall short being a son, a brother, a father, a uncle, a friend because I know the sometimes reckless, risk taking does not always do the right thing or make the right decisions. But I just want to make sure that for the rest of my life I will never take you guys for granted, I will never doubt your love and compassion you have shared with me and I will spend the rest of my life striving to be more and more like you two because you are the people I love and adore more than anything else in this life and I don’t want you guys to ever forget it. Even if you have to print out this text thread and slap it on the fridge to forever remind you guys I love you, I appreciate everything you do, I appreciate the people you are and the person you have raised in me.
Mom I hope your 70th Birthday was something memorable and Dad, I hope something you do on your 70th b-day will be something unforgettable as well. You guys deserve anything and everything you want in this life. 😁😁🥰🥰🙄🙄🫶🤟Your son, Tanner
Best gift parents could receive.
In Him,
Joyful
5-17-26
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