Loving My Kids Through My Changing Role as Their Mom and Trusting God with My Grown Children

How often through the years have I had to be reminded to get on my knees and turn my hands up surrendering my children and grandchildren to you, Lord. So often I grab my fix it wand and try to make things right in their circumstances. When they were small it was on me to protect and guide them through their early years. But as we know the job of a mother is continually diminishing. That is the way of life. Children grow from an infant needing all their needs meant to a toddler sitting at the table shoving chicken nuggets into their own mouths. Eventually, they don’t need us to drive them to all their practices but get behind the wheel and get their own their own. Then before we know it they are driving off to college and a dorm room that is not under our roof. 

It i difficult as a mom to release the control and protection we have over their safety. But that is our purpose. To raise children to thrive on their own with our prayers and listening ears always in the background of their lives. One of the biggest complaints my adult children have is that I give them unsolicited advice. Don’t get me wrong, I need to be present when one of them calls for a recipe or asks how to navigate a situation. But my role is not to pester them with how they should live their daily lives. What I have come to realize is that even if they take a misstep it is not the end of the world. Most of the time they will learn more from their mistake than they ever would from me fixing a problem for them. In fact, I am teaching them a lesson with each of my butting in moments. It can be that I cripple their growth by bailing them out over and over. Cleaning up their messes was my job when they were babies and needed a diaper change but eventually they needed to learn to pick up their own toys and manage their finances on their own. But it is os hard to put down my micromanaging wand and fade into the role God intended. 

A praying mom’s job starts before a baby is born and continues to her last breath. That is the consistency of motherhood. Loving and supporting our children even when their choices would not be our choices for them needs to be our focus. Lead with love when we interact rather than getting on our bully pulpit to pound some sense in them. After all, I have learned that I am not always right. Shocking but true. There is that question of how did you feel before you realized you were wrong. You felt like you were right. More and more often I am tuned into how wrong I can be in my thoughts, decisions and actions. Then I need to ask for forgiveness or correct my mistake. My prayer for me is to let love and kindness be the motivation in all I do just ads 1 Corinthians 16:14 says. I even had it tattooed on my wrist as a reminder. 

Forgiveness is mine. God forgives me and I need to forgive myself and then pray to do better especially with my own children. My seventy years of life have given me wisdom and the wises thing I can do is trust those I love to God’s loving hands and know that He loves them more than I do. That is hard to comprehend but oh so true. Trust, faith, love are what I need to hold onto when I sit in my home that is not an empty nest but one I choose to fill with others. Those precious children of mine may not lay their heads down under my roof but the memories are always present and my door is always open. Now Ronnie B and I share our home not with our children or even our grandchildren since they all have home of their own. Now we invite students, postdocs, and scientists to sleep in their rooms while they work in our hometown. What a gift to always have others in our home and to rest assured that God has His hands on our grown children even when we cannot physically kids them good night. 

In Him,

Joyful

9-5-26
 

Tim is a Junior and Loved by His Sisters Who Woke Up to See Him Off on Day One

 Our grandson, Tim, started his junior year of high school. His three sisters woke up early to wish him well. This is the first year Tim is going to school without one of his sisters since junior high. He is driving himself this year after years of riding shotgun. Kenzi is starting her junior year of college and soon Kayla will be off to her dorm room a few hours from home. Our almost five year old Millie will have one more year of preschool before kindergarten. 

I love the love and support these siblings show one another. They are a tight nit group that always has one another’s back. It i also true that they are each others favorite people to hang out with. Cam and Britt did it right raising these talented humans to not only be hard workers but also kind and caring Christians. I love seeing Tim’s cross around his neck. Soon he and Kayla will sing their last song on their churches worship team. There are a lot of lasts but also so many firsts. 

This family has changed a lot over the years. Adding Millie twelve years after Tim was born was such a gift. But these littles in this picture have turned into incredible adults and Ronnie B and I couldn’t be prouder of our grandkids. Enjoy your last couple years of high school Tim. We know you will rock it!

Just now Noni and Papa love you and couldn’t be prouder.

In Him,

Joyful

9-3-26

I Wanna Live LIke That and Hopefully not get Arrested

 I pride myself in being that random, weird person that others hold their breath to see what I might say. It is not easy being me. My mind is always coming up with inappropriate thoughts that I can only share a fraction of. My biggest fear is that as I head into the years of diminishing filters, I may be incarcerated for spewing my thoughts out into the world. 

This predicament is all my father’s fault. He taught me early that if I didn’t know an answer I should just pause and make one up. He also had a fabulous sense of humor and was quite the trickster. His laugh was by far my favorite. My mom would just shake her head and purse her lips when he got going. Most of his “only in his head” stories involved made up embarrassing moments about my mom. He told of them getting to a camp spot after dark and mom needing to find a bush to go pee. As she started her flow a man turned a flashlight on her derrière and said to move over that she was getting his sleeping bag wet. Of course that never happened or did it? 

My favorite people are those who will join in my tomfoolery and even elevate it to a different level. Susi gave me a shirt that says That’s a horrible idea, what time? Jenn gets me going until she or I pee our pants. Natalie can be just as random as me and will no doubt be with me in the back of a police car if one of us doesn’t come to our senses. Then there is Ronnie B who shakes his head like my mom did and reminds me……..filters, Barbara, filter. Like my mom, he knows it is useless to try to contain the wild hair when dad or I get going. That saying of I wanna live like that is in my head that I want to be unpredictable perhaps even shocking at times. 

So let’s all enjoy coloring outside the lines and laugh so hard we have to cross our legs. It is only the laugh lines that should cause wrinkles on our faces. Who wants to have frown lines after all. So act as if you are carefree even through the dark days. Wringing our hands won’t make our troubles any less. Splashing in puddles till our pants are soaked won’’t either but it is a whole lot more fun than staying dry inside. So if you like me wanna live like that let loose and do what seems inappropriate sometimes. Perhaps you will be laughing along with others. Maybe even a police officer.

In Him,

Joyful

9-1-26

Confession is about Letting Someone In

Confession isn’t about letting something out. It is about letting someone in. You might have made a mistake but you are not a mistake. 
 What does God say about me in my mistake? These are all questions Rich Wilkerson posed in his teaching this morning. It is important to trust someone with even your darkest thoughts and moments. But remember it is not about shouting it from a rooftop for all to hear and judge. That won’t bring you comfort or resolution. What you need to do is share with that one person who will guide you, advice you and love you through the darkness. The whole goal of sharing is to come out of the tunnel and back into the light. If your strategy is to seek advice or acceptance on social media or in a crowded room, I am afraid you will not achieve your goal. After the smoke clears others will still be judging your decisions. Bring your concern, sin, misstep to that one person you can trust with your life, your messes, and your sin. When you step out into the light this person will see the strength you showed not the wrong you walked through. Choose well. Choose one. You don’t need to poll everyone to know how to move forward. You need that one trusted friend who is more family than even those with the same blood. 

This teaching that touched me so powerfully this morning was divinely timed. Just yesterday I took a handwringing worry to a sister. She listened, advised, and loved me even in my pain. If you don’t have a person in your life like that, be that person for someone else. Then when you are in need they will bee there for you just the same. 

The worst thing we can do is walk alone through a fear or tragedy. Build a network of trusted confidants to circle you through good times and bad. Most importantly is the faith that this will remain between you and not be shared. You don’t need an army for most problems. But two heads are better than one. Bouncing off your next steps helps you to have confidence that you are on the right path and the clarity to see if you are going down the wrong one. 

Trust your gut and pray for not only the solutions to your situation but the right person to confide in. Then move toward the light with confidence together.. Prayerfully consider who you let in. Then both of you pray for wisdom to move forward together. Putting Christ in the center of your relationship and your journey is key. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26

Let Love and Kindness be the Motivation in all We Do……….That is how Dolly Lived!

 Oh what an incredible example for all of us on how to live, how to love and how to walk in faith. When everyone was wearing the WWJD bracelets to remind the what would Jesus do and how to live life, Dolly was walking those steps. Her mission here on earth was to bring joy to each of our lives through her moving songwriting, angelic voice, uplifting performances or her heart for allowing every child to read. Dolly is one of the examples of what Jesus did while he walked among us. The other is Jimmy Carter for his love and kindness through Habitat for Humanity. 

The people that we look up to as not heros but illustration of how to treat others should never fade. There are those who didn’t have the global impact that Dolly had but that just show us in their everyday kindnesses. What a gift it is when we live selflessly. It is not a gift to others as much as to ourselves. I am convinced Dolly would say she gained more than she gave because of her generous, joy filled life.

Her rewards are not only those she receives now in heaven but the moments she connected with others here on earth.She truly did live out 1 Corinthians 16:14 which happens to be my life goal verse. Let love and kindness be the motivation in all you do. When this is our measuring stick, we lean into the fruits of the spirit rather than getting caught up in the worldly gossip, judgement, and exclusion. What each of us does in our daily walk matters to others but in living out this verse we give the greatest gift to ourselves. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-28-26

Yes, We are all Lovely and Should be Proud of Who We are in this Moment!

 We need to be more like two year olds. Mayve is thrilled with her new outfit. She just oozes confidence, joy and a knowing she is lovely. Her favorite is the faux fur vest that she can pet and enjoy. Don’t we need to pose for pictures not hiding behind others because we don’t like our weight but standing tall and proud of who we are in this moment. Wrinkles, gray hair and crepey skin are all evidence that we have lived life and not just endured but flourished. Yes, the pictures of us in our later years are not the same as the one from our high school yearbook. But think about what we have accomplished and weathered along this life path. It is beautiful to be eighteen but also beautiful to be a Noni and great-grandmother who may not be as adorable as a two year old but can have the joy in our eyes that Mayve does. 

Let’s start celebrating life and embracing the image in the mirror. Most importantly get in the pictures. You don’t need to always be behind the camera. Our families love us and want us to show up in their lives but also in the photos that are memories of precious moments. So here is to us as new moms, senior citizens or at every moment of our path. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-25-26

I Want to be IN Cahoots with You so I Don’t Go Insane

 So I guess saying I’m all in has to be clarified. Where the heck am I all in? I think in cahoots seems best since I don’t have to go in alone. After all, I always like to be with someone. It is good i am allowed to take several trip to going insane. That does suggest that I frequently come out of it and that sounds like a good thing, I seem to always return so that may be concerning. What I really like is this play on words. There is a great book about which witch is which. I think it was called The Phantom Tollbooth about the joys of learning and how adults must keep it stimulating. Maybe I should have read it more often since I lived my life in a classroom. 

My greatest joy about being a special ed teacher was I got to do project based learning rather than worksheets. The best year ever was when we did inside out. The idea was to look at many things from the inside out to learn more about them. We took apart balls, tennis, golf, basketball and more to see what was inside and find out why. Then we made stamps with nuts as we learned why some had thicker shells and some crazy wiggles inside. The hint for that is weather. We also took apart electronics to compare and contrast. That got shut down when one of my middle schoolers went to the library to search for how to make a bomb from a microwave. Yes, I had the behavior, autistic and emotional kiddos. The most important inside out was looking at ourselves from the inside and recognizing that we compare our hurts to others outsides that look all perfect and mess free. 

I am so fortunate that I had students and their families for years not semesters. Many are still in my life and for that I am grateful. Although they drove me insane at times I am glad they are not incognito as adults. Sometimes I even get to be in cahoots with my Angelica when we are planning surprises with my Elissa. Now I think I will go in search of my copy of The Phantom Tollbooth and grab a second cup of coffee.

In Him,

Joyful

8-24-26

Keep Our. Hearts Filled with Others until it Overflows

 All those who remain in our hearts even when they are no longer with us is proof that love lives on. Then there are those that we get to continue embracing here and oh what a heart full they provide. It has been so long since some have moved on to await our arrival above yet they continue to fill space in our hearts even in our lives. Yesterday, I saw something completely inappropriate and longed to share it with Ryan. He and I shared an off color humor that I can’t share with just anyone. My son embarrassed me while keeping me in stitches. More times than I can count, I had to cover my smile while trying to maintain a stern, mother appropriate glare. I so wish Ryan and my dad had got the chance to share life here on earth. They would have just got each other. My hope is that they are belly laughing about one another antics in heaven. It will be precious to see the connection they have built when I arrive home one day. 

 The people in our lives that get us and even those who just roll their eyes make life worth living. I love when someone brings out my playfulness and especially when they jump in with both feet. Life is serious. There are difficulties on our journey but it is better to bring joy even in the most painful situations.

 I remember after my dad passed and we were going through photos. We were all tearfully laughing at his antics. Then the phone would ring and we would answer with a cheerful hello. This shocked the person on the other end who expected us to be weeping and sad. We quickly learned to measure our hello so others weren’t thrown off. Then there was the time I found out that even in vitro woutldn’t give Ron and I a baby.  The surgery was done with a tube down my throat. I asked Ron to give me hot tea so I wouldn’t sound sad when we called our parents. Why do we feel the need to hide our emotions? The joy in pain or the pain in a door closing are both better when shared honestly and openly with those who love us. 

Others in our hearts and in our lives is what makes life worth living. This week we will attend a funeral for a son, brother, friend who died way too soon. Even in their grieve there will be laughter. His life will live on in the hearts of many in our little community. Embracing others with love is what healing is all about. Their family will never be quite whole again but they will remember him and move forward knowing he would have loved life if here and he is enjoying the one he is now immersed in with Jesus. I wonder what connections he is making up there with relatives who greeted him and welcomed him into their arms and their hearts. 

Happy in sign language is a gesture that shows a heart overflowing. Happy is when loved ones fill our hearts with love, laughter and memories. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-23-26

My Napoli Grandson, Nabin

Nabin was patiently waiting all summer for Mayve to embrace him. She wouldn’t even give a fist bump. Our two year old is an observer first and can come off as aloof as she navigates her little life. But this picture proves she has perfect timing. This was Nabin’s last day in our home but not the last day in our family. He will forever be a part of the Barber clan. When he wrote in our book that is for overnight visitors to leave a note, he listed Mayve hugging him as one of his most cherished moments of a summer that included more than a few great moments. I love the expressions in this photo. The connection between them is real. His joy at embracing her is written all over his face. 

What an honor it has beeen to have Nabin in our home this summer. This weekend he went to Colorado to meet his precious girlfriend before returning to school in Louisiana. We ate the best curry and fried rice this summer. Nabin is not only has a big heart but he can cook. I just hope I can duplicate some of his dishes. He left me homemade turmeric that far outshines the store bought versions. Having others share our home has been one of the greatest gifts Ronnie B and I have given ourselves. We are gathering family from around the globe through time spent together.

This moment is etched in my mind. This young man will live a life full of connections because of his willingness to embrace others. I am so glad he became a part of our family. He knows he always has a place to stay and a place at our table. Hopefully, with food he prepared to eat. I won’t even try to compete with his dishes. Perhaps next time he will bring his lovely lady who he says is an even better cook than him. Thank you Nabin for a wonderful summer. You were willing to try everything…….except the hot tub! But it has been a pleasure getting to know our Nepali grandson.

In Him,

Joyful

8-17-26

 

Compassion is Key, Faith in Heartcrushing Circumstance

That saying of pull yourself up from your bootstraps and get on with it is advice to tackle life on our own. The better advice may be to pause, pray for wisdom to move in the right response to what life is throwing at us. How many times have I rushed in believing I had the right way to handle a situation only to find out that my haste led me to the wrong actions? The older I get the more often I am aware that even when I know I am right about something, I can be wrong. 

This past weekend a family in our town lost their thirteen year old son to a tragic accident. Oh how I grieve for this family and all involved. Even as our hometown comes together to support this family the rumor mill is also sharing facts about what happened that may or may not be correct. I misremembered a street that I lived on for decades. How could my brain have not known the name of this street? But I knew I knew until someone pointed out that I was mistaken. Others are sure they know the circumstances surrounding this loss and sharing it confidently. First, does it matter? A child died. Second, the truth is not always found in the rumors even if you hear it from a reliable source. After all, I shared a fact about a street name that I lived on and I was wrong. Was I a reliable source? Absolutely not. 

What I know is that a family lost their precious son, brother, friend and are grieving. Our part is to give them the space they need to come together and pray for them. Whatever we can do to support others in a time of need is much more important than knowing the details of what happened and why. This hits close to home for me in a couple ways. When Tanner fell off the eighty foot cliff when he was a fifth grader our same community had many stories of what happened and why. Even though I am his mom and stood at the edge of the cliff while a firefighter brought him up on a backboard, I didn’t know what exactly happened. Even as that twelve year old son of mine is close to turning forty this year, I don’t know all the facts about that day. If I pretend to it is for my peace of mind not because I really understand. Bottom line is I don’t need to know but do need to have all the details. Again when we lost Ryan to suicide there were so many stories about the circumstances. People knew that they knew even as we as Ryan’s family can’t possibly understand all that was in his heart at that moment. Having compassion and loving others in difficult times is what our focus should be. 

Faith is the antidote of fear much more than courage. Someone told me once that they could not survive losing a child. I don’t think anyone has the courage to lose a child but our faith gets us through even the moments that are unbearable. I pray for the families involved in this recent loss. I also pray for those who have a need to know the circumstances rather than just embracing those who are hardly able to breathe from the pain. This is not me lecturing others. My first response was to know all the facts and even to share them. That’s how I know I misremembered a street name. This is me reminding myself that faith and courage are what I need to cling to even when my worst fears are realized. No family should lose a child. That is a fact that I know to be true. Please pray for our town and all who are grieving here. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-12-26

 

Memories are Made at Home or Aboard a Sailboat in Canada

 What a fabulous adventure my Ronnie B is on. I have no regrets not joining this trip with Paul and Cindy. It was the right choice for me to stay home and follow their journey, pictures, and words describing the trip. This photo is impressive of the peaceful voyage they are on. My hope is still to meet them in Victoria and travel the San Juan Islands back to Tacoma. But we will see if they are done and just ready to get back to life on land. Either way I am sure I made the right decision to stay home this time. 

I am currently in Lubbock looking forward to celebrating Kim’s fiftieth birthday and swimming in the hotel pool. Jenn and I came from New Mexico yesterday and will go back home Monday. A three day break from nightly bear activity. It has been a wild summer of bears in Los Alamos. They have been at our house nightly and even got into our mudroom when we carelessly left the door unlatched. Others have had them come in through windows and destroy their kitchens in search of food. We had a late freeze and there is no fruit in LA or White Rock this year. These intruders are just so hungry they are risking all to get a meal. Although I sympathize, I don’t want to share my home with them. 

Ronnie B and I have two more trips planned before the year ends. There is a time for everything. This time I needed/wanted to be home after six weeks in the northwest. But I will be ready to spread my traveling wings come October for Egypt and Kenya. Then we may end up on the Guthrie’s sailboat to the Bahamas for one last journey. The water on that trip will be much more welcoming for me to spend hours swimming. 

What a marvelous life Ron and I are enjoying whether together or miles apart. Life is pretty perfect for these seventy year olds who started out as high school sweethearts many moonrises ago. When I think of life now it is filled with contentment. Is it perfect? Nope. But it is mine and I wouldn’t change a thing. And I can’t wait to hug my Ronnie B whether it is in Canada or back here in New Mexico. I miss him but love the choices we both made this summer. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-8-26

New Beginnings, Connections, and Prayer

Yesterday was a good day. It was an answered prayer day in many ways. Tanner started a fabulous job and Nate got a job offer which will have him starting in a week or two. New beginning for both of these sons of mine. Thanks to all who pray for them and their families. I could tell Tanner was tired but excited at the end of his first day. God is good!

There is a way back from even the darkest moments. Now to continue to pray for my children to be in relationship with one another. God can do all things and even this. The family trips we took when they were young should be a catalyst to conversations. I know it will come until then I will be patient and pray. 

Lots of new beginnings as school starts and families prepare for getting back into routines. Kayla is off to college while her family adjusts to her being a few hours away. Life moves from season to season. I am no longer stepping to the front of a classroom but can spend some time praying for those who are. What a gift my life with students was to me. The beauty is that many of my littles are still in my life as adults, parents, worker bees. Each of us continues to have a role to play even as opportunities shift and change. There wont be lesson plans or behavior goals for me to write but there are other tasks for me to engage in. I hope to stay connected rather than fading into the background. Whether from coffee dates, social media presence, or quietly praying and reminding others I still care. My job is not finished even though I am retired. God gives each of us opportunities in all phases and stages of life. 

Nate and Tanner are beginning new adventures that will plug them into a work family. The right job is not just about a paycheck but who you interact with during your working hours. I pray for these new opportunities and the relationships they will create. Now I need to go sit at the park and let our Cora dog chase birds. Perhaps a new friend will walk by and chat for a bit. Or better yet, I can take her to the dog park and have a meet up with other dog lovers. I hope you have a wonderful day whether you are on a time clock or at coffee with a friend. 

In Him,

Joyful

8-6-26

 

Lovely Days at Home Getting Done What has been on my List for Years

 Oh what a beautiful sunset and now what a glorious morning. Can I share with you my week so far? I have been having a problem adding pictures for a few months. Yes, rather than investigate how to fix the problem I just kept going through useless steps first on this iPad then on iPhone to allow me to post. Well, a couple days ago my phone quit working, So I had no choice to a stop posting pictures or quit blogging. The third choice came to me this morning and I turned to the all knowing YouTube channel to show me what was wrong. When my devices updated it turned on enhanced restrictions. That caused the problem. I was the bigger problem in not figuring it out rather than doing digital cartwheels to do what I wanted on this site. Now I can load a picture on the first step rather than the fortieth. Silly me for not turning to YouTube to figure it out sooner. 

How many of us just deal with the frustrations rather than figuring out the best way to proceed? I know I do this in so many areas of my life. Whether it is YouTube or a trusted friend who knows more than me, I want to get advice to make life simpler from now on. For years Ron has wanted me to figure out how to get new screens for our old prerenovation windows that fit. I have called people and even ordered some that were just not right. Last week, I asked Jon who knows everything about everything and he measured and is going to figure it out. He is more qualified than me period. So I am hopeful that this seemingly impossible task will soon be solved. Then we can open a window without fear of critters flying in. But for now our windows are closed because bigger critters are crawling through our neighborhood’s windows and bears are destroying kitchens to find food. So I will wait patiently for Jon to get the correct screens and hope that next summer open windows will not be dangerous. 

Back to my week while Ronnie B is on his brother and sister-in-laws sailboat traveling around Vancouver Island for a month. I have tackled my upstairs bedroom. Every nook and cranny, drawer and cabinet and taken volumes to thrift stores and dumpsters. Why could anyone possibly need nine bottles of Vicks or enough sweatshirts to wear a different one every day of winter? I got rid of shoes, purses, medications that were dated back to early marriage days. I remind you that we just celebrated our forty-ninth this year. I am embarrassed to say I lost my hearing aids. This morning they are on their charger found in the back of my pj drawer. I could swear I looked there for them multiple times. Maybe the critter that got in my mudroom last night moved them.

It has been a productive week. Now I can die and not have Ron and others realize what a jam it in a spot and forget it person I really am. Angelica knows since she typically is here helping me rid out and organize. But this week I chose to put on my big girl panties or are they old lady panties now and tackle my messes on my own. There are no longer bins under my desk or drawers filled with Bahama money where pens, staples and notepads should be. I feel lighter and less guilty now that things are where they should be and there are reasonable amounts of items for me to live with. 

I hope you are having a fabulous week whether it includes clearing up from bad habits or just sitting on the couch with a good book or good friend relaxing. Next week I plan to begin weaving. Yes Susi, I bought the mini loom as a reward for getting rid of so much that was bogging me down. Until then I will finish up the last loads of laundry and perhaps even make my bed with the sheets that sat in the dryer for days. I am after all still human you know!

In Him,

Joyful

7-31-26

Captain Ron Knows Me and Loves Me Together or Apart

 Oh how I love this man. He has taken me on life’s adventures for over fifty years. I love his enthusiasm for life and is love for adventure. But mostly I love his love for me. Ronnie B is on a six week sailboat trip with his brother and sister-in-law around the Vancouver Island. I was invited of course and prayed about going with them. Even my sweet grandgirl, Makenzie, prayed for my decision. You see, I struggle with saying yes and worry when my heart is telling me no. But we had been on an rv trip for six weeks and only home for one. I simply was torn with going with the love of my life and being at home for awhile. Ron himself came up with the perfect plan. I will join them for the last week or two in Victoria and sail the San Juan Islands. The best of both choices is that I have had time to rest and just be at the home I love connecting with people I love here in our hometown. Then I can sail through waters I love even though they are too chilly to do much swimming. 

My greatest gift is not the opportunities I have had because of marrying this man almost fifty years ago. That he allows me to say yes and to say no when I need to and knows me well enough to make life fit for both of us. I mean who says no to a sailing trip with incredible views? But Ron recognized my need for home time. I love that about him. We both love doing life together but are also okay when we go off on our own. That makes sharing our separate moments even more precious. 

As you can see from the picture of Captain Ron, the weather and waters in Canadian waters are not the warm water I love to swim in when we go to the Bahamas. But I have a plan for that. I ordered a wetsuit and will hope to get in the water not just on the boat when I join the other Barbers in a few weeks. Ron is loving the trip and I am loving hearing his adventures. I am loving my time at home and love sharing all the stories of life here with my Ronnie B. Felix was here for a couple weeks, Nabin from Nepal is living with us for the summer, and the Margarita Trails lunches have been filled with friends and laughter. 

There are times when I doubt my choice to go or to stay. But this has been perfect and I chose well. Susi is here for the weekend which is a bonus! Girl time, me time, Felix time and just sitting on the patio reading a book in a monsoon thunderstorm have all made it clear that I needed this time at home. I feel so fortunate in my life right now. The people that I share life with make my life rich and I am content with this seventy year old version of me. The hustle and bustle of teaching and raising kids has been replaced with quiet days and also adventure filled ones. I could not ask for a better life or a better man to share it with. Thank you Ron for loving me just as I am and allowing me to be me. 

In Him,

Joyful

7-25-26

Am I Your Lighthouse Human? You are Mine!

I want to be a lighthouse human. A light to see that there is hope in any circumstance. To not be the one to minimize the pain or reality of a situation but to wrap my arms around others when the world is crashing.                                                                              I am beyond blessed to have people in my life that are  there for me when I am blinded by tears, grief, or uncertainty. Susi, Jenn, and Pat have walked beside me through the storms and always allowed me the room to grief while being close enough to reassure me that we can make it through even the darkest times. My survival depends on my faith and my family and friends to even be able to take one more step through the losses of life. Even when life doesn’t throw a loss but a worry over the outcome of a frightening situation, my people surround me and give me hope. They don’t pretend that all will turn out as I hope but that whatever lies ahead there won’t be a moment I have to step out alone.                                                        What comfort we can be to one another not when we sugar coat life’s challenges but rather just be present. Present to support, listen, and stay close enough to assure each other that none of us is alone. Life gets hard. Thankfully, there are also so many moments in life that are joy filled or downright silly. Our lighthouse friends are also there for us when we just want to have fun and be a bit ridiculous. The connection comes from walking life out together.

I hope and pray that each of you have those people in your life. There are of course more people in my life that step out with me but these three are my go to ones. Pat reminded me to go pee when my son, Ryan, died. Although she recently joined him in heaven, when I find myself busy and forgetting to stop to go potty, I wish she was here to remind me. Pat’s house was my peaceful place. I could go there and just be which was often what I needed. The coffee was hot and there was always plenty of pie to eat.  Susi has been with me for over fifty years. She has been my person driving through the night with three little boys to get to my dad when he found out he had cancer. Put up with my shenanigans in our college dorm and spent the summer we brought home a twenty-eight week preemie to take turns with two hour feedings. Natalie, our preemie is now a mom herself. Susi is special because she loves all the nooks and crannies of my weird and wonderful personality. To say I am random is the tip of the iceberg. Jenn lives across the street and knows when I need to be included or when I need to be left at home alone. We make snow angels, pass out random stuff to strangers just to brighten their days, and can sit having coffee for hours. We may not solve the world’s problems or even be able to fix what is broken in our kids lives, but we love one another and will jump in the car to make sure Tyler is alive or that Elissa is not overwhelmed. 

Look for lighthouse people. Be a lighthouse person. Let your lighthouses know that life would not be the same without them guiding your steps.

In Him,

Joyful

7-24-26

 

Felix Loves Spending Time with his Cousin Millie

Felix asked to help write a blog about his favorite cousin. 

 This is our grandgirl, Millie. She is full of laughter and excitement. It is wonderful that she lives in Washington near her cousins, Felix and Auggie. They don’t get to see each other very often but when they do  they have the best times of their lives. Whether they are at a trampoline park or hanging out in Noni and Papa’s rv. Felix says Millie is his most favorite cousin in the whole wide world. What does he love about her? She is playful and fun. They don’t ever get mad at each other. It is just great to play together and run around. Millie can be silly, funny, and crazy and that always makes him laugh. 

Felix is glad he has his other cousins like Dot, Caleb, and Mayve but his favorite time is when he gets to hang out with Millie. 

This summer Felix has been on a roadtrip with us for a month. He is excited to get back to his family in Washington. He will have fun playing with Auggie and snuggling with his mama and dada and playing with his kittens. But he also is looking forward to spending time with Millie.

In Him,

Joyful

7-15-26

Felix Time is the Best of the Best

This kid……Nate and Natalie gifted us with Feli time. He left with us on Father’s Day in our Goldie rv from Washington and here we are almost a month later in New Mexico. Our time together is coming to an end but oh the laughter and joy we have shared.

This picture sums up our six year old grandson’s personality. He may get frustrated or entitled just like each of us but with a bit of time and reflection he is all good. Here he is in the er where he ached all over and had a high fever. Thirty minutes before this picture our little man was miserable. A bit of Tylenol and multiple tests and he let us know that he was all good. So Felix!

I have learned so much from Felix this past month. 

1. Each of us works better when we get enough sleep.                                                                                   2. Boundaries keep us in a good mood better than getting what we want when we want it. Tantrums come when others  bow to our desires rather than when  rules are kept clear.                                                                  3, Trying new things can be hard but with the right reward we can find that new things can be fabulous rather than frightening.                                                                                                                                     4. Learning is exciting and sharing what we are learning is even better. Khan Academy shows me how brilliant little man is and while he reads I learn. He prefers nonfiction so I now know more about alligators and crocodiles, planets, and so much more.                                                                                                    5. When we are secure in our relationships with others, it is not worrisome to be away from them. It may hurt Felix’ parents that he isn’t homesick but the truth is it shows that he is confident in their love. His place with Ronnie B and I is comfortable. That is a tribute to how loved he feels. 

6. Don’t lead with what your goal is. There will be negotiation so inflate and then there is room for negotiation.

7. Laughter is infectious. 

8. Having the confidence to approach others whether at a park or in a grocery store gives us connections to others and makes life more

 

Lastly, it is the best way of life when everything is viewed as over the top wonderful. There have been two people in my life that truly believed that every meal is the most delicious, every gift is the best, and every person is their favorite. Grandma Co Humpton not only said this but felt it with every fiber of her heart. Felix is this way as well. He truly embraces and loves life. There is nothing fake about his joy as he walks through his days. Felix just finds joy in the moment and all it comes with. Well, maybe not taking medicine or getting his toenails cut. 

People like Felix and Co lift others up and remind us to look for the positive. I hope to turn up my enthusiasm for life in my days ahead. After all, our attitude does matter is true. 

 After receiving what I have prayed for I ask for the discipline to maintain it and the wisdom to make it grow. This time with our grandson has been such a gift that we treasure more than his parents could know. Now that we have enjoyed all the adventures and moments it is time to be more intentional with all our grandkids to FaceTime, call and stay connected. Personally, this Noni needs to get a strategy to connect regularly. Who knows, perhaps we will get to build our relationship with others not with a glorious month together but conversations. Sharing life is the answered prayer and we intend to be more intentional about nurturing this gift. 

full.

In Him,

Joyful

7-14-

Hear, Receive, Respond, and Wait the Best Prayer Connections

 

I listened to a Bible teaching this morning on prayer. Megan Fate Marshman had a good prospective that I had not considered. There are four things that happen with our prayers…….God listens, God receives, God responds, and God waits. The first and last can be difficult for us. While God listens and holds onto our prayers, we also listen for Him and need to spend time not only asking but silently being in His presence. As He receives our heart response He allows us time to be still and rest in His comforting presence. Then when we are patient and near to Him the answers will come. Whether they are the ones we wish to receive depends largely on if our requests align with God’s will. The last is the wait. Sometimes prayers are answered immediately but at other times the wait can be years. What we need to know is to have faith that God hears us and wants what is best for us. He uses even the difficult moments to stretch our faith and help us connect with others. There is power in praying alone and with others. 

When Ron and I went through struggles in our marriage, a counselor suggested we separate. We lived in separate homes for years. My prayer and the one I asked others to pray over us was simple. Three words that healed our relationship. Under one roof. Those were hard years. A lot of tears, stress, and being harsh with one another. But the truth is that I cherish that time. It showed us that we belong together. We got back under one roof and a big part of that was beginning a routine of praying together. We would join hands, eyes open and bring the hard conversations to one another with Jesus in the center. It gave us both a safe space to share our hearts that were vulnerable and broken through years of unkindness. I love our life now and wouldn’t change the struggles we went through to get here. 

Prayers are powerful not only in changing our circumstances but mostly in connecting us with the one who is always present in our life. Felix, my six year old grandson, asked me what hell would be like and why we don’t want to go there. My answer is my truth. It is not about fire and brimstone or bashing of teeth. I believe the worst hell is that we are separated from God. His presence and those He places in my life are everything to me. Without Him it is hell. Building the relationship with Him day by day makes it clear just what His presence means in my life. When I don’t make time my life has a bigm gaping hole. 

Let’s all pray for one another not just say we will but share the words with one another right then and  there. God is listening, receiving, responding and waits on us as we wait on Him.

In Him,

Joyful

7-3-26

Ronnie B and Me Roadtrip at Seventy-Family, Felix, and RV Fun

 

Home again, home again after a five week journey in our casita on wheels. What a fun-filled trip Ronnie B and I had celebrating accomplishments of our grandkids, graduations, birthdays and just being present in life with our kids and grands. Here we are back home once again so many memories made along the journey. I failed to blog on this trip but that was because my mornings were filled with conversations, cartoons and just catching up. There is a routine when I am at home that lends itself to blogging. I get up early and do a Bible study with my coffee and then share my heart, my faith, and my life on this page. So here I sit back in my spot on my mom’s couch which she gifted me when she journeyed to heaven. My coffee is hot after a third zap in the microwave and I want to share one thing that has blessed Ron and I. 

 Natalie and Nate entrusted us with Felix for a few weeks. He left his home and jumped in the rv for an adventure with Noni and Papa. This is our second trip with him and he is pure joy and wonder. Always up for what comes next. He is convinced that he picked out all our camp spots and confidently said he found the perfect one each time. The last one had a pair of stray, black kittens that we watched bounce around and fed. Felix reminds me that we are to take life as it comes and be glad in it. He had a broad idea of how long we were traveling and the states we would pass through getting from Washington state to New Mexico. But mostly he put his faith in us believing that we had great plans for him and he would simply go along for the ride. 

Isn’t that how we are supposed to have faith? Believing that even in the worst moments God is with us and will never leave us to deal on our own. There were a few rough patches on our trip. Felix hates blood and gets in a panic not when there is blood but even at the prospect that there could be blood. But knowing we were there with him helped immensely. I feel honored that what usually takes Mama’s kisses and warm hugs could be calmed with Noni and Papa. 

 Felix has not asked to go home but enjoys sharing FaceTime calls with his parents and Auggie multiple times a day. I am sure Felix being gone has been hard on his almost three year old brother. But Auggie is getting all his parents attention and having adventures of his own with them. It will be lonely when Felix returns to Washington but this time with him has been one of the greatest gifts we could receive.Ron and I learned about Pokémon and so much more that Felix could teach us. We were blown away at how well he reads for a kindergarten graduate. It was apparent that we could not be sneaky and spell things because this kid is sharp. His reward when we arrived in Los Alamos was a binder specially made for Pokémon cards along with a pack that he spent time organizing. He assured us that he didn’t need our help and quite frankly didn’t need our input to get it filled. After all, he knows more about these cards than we do and we would only mess it up. Such a joy this kiddo that I get to have as a grandson. 

Thank you Nate and Natalie for allowing us the pleasure of spending time with your family and then trusting us to take Felix, your little man, on this trip with us. I hope there will be many more in our future. After all, Papa and I have the sign on the back of our Chinook……..Adventure before Dementia. And so far at seventy, we are still able to drive and take these fabulous roadtrips. Heck, we have even got enough energy to hang out with all the families and friends. Last night, our granddaughter, Elissa, came over with her two and almost four year old and Felix played in the back yard for hours. I will say that Papa and I slept soundly in our own bed with Felix on a Noni made bed on the floor right beside us. It is good to go but it is also so good to be home. 

In Him,

Joyful

7-2-26

Sandy Romping into the Pacific, Then and Now

 What a treasured moment I just had.. When I was a Young Life leader, I had the honor of taking middle schoolers to camp near San Diego. Many of these young teens had never seen the ocean and we ran hand in hand into the crashing waves. God is good! Yesterday, Carrie sent me this message along with a video of her daughter seeing the ocean for the very first time. I am humbled that she remembers me being with her for her first time seeing the Pacific and dipping her toes in the sand and surf. Carrie was a teen that had a rough start. She and her sisters became so special to me. Their mom and my son didn’t always make the best choices with addictions leading their choices. Carrie often was left with babysitting my grandgirl, Elissa. Years later, Elissa went with me when Carrie’s daughter, Maeve, was born. I took her a baby blanket I crocheted. Elissa fell in love with this newborn and her lovely name. Here we are years later and my Elissa is married with two kids of her own. She now has a daughter of her own named Mayve. That tiny baby who just saw the ocean for the first time at almost seven years old touched Elissa when she was only fifteen. Life evolves and God connects us to others if we will allow Him. 

I love that Carrie is enjoying the majesty of His ocean with her Maeve as I type these words. A couple weeks ago, Elissa had her kids at the beach in Los Angeles. Crazy! Can I add that Carrie is now a teacher and is spending her life in a classroom the same way I did.  Maybe He showed her the same life path I lived with kids that touch us in beautiful ways. 

This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

It is always a day to be glad when I am reminded of how God allowed me to share His love and my faith with others. I am no longer a Young Life leader but am still in touch with many of my girls who ate breakfast at our home most Saturday mornings building relationships with each other and with Jesus. My life  mission is to know Him and to make Him known. Life is wonderful, difficult, heartcrushing and fabulous. Through life I never want to walk alone and am so thankful that I have Jesus always by my side. That is why sharing my relationship with Him especially teens, makes me so joy filled. 

Thank you Carrie for reminding me of our sandy romp into the Pacific. I adore you and the life you and your husband are making for your Maeve. Your message touched my heart and made my day.

In Him,

Joyful

6-20-26