Did That Scare Me, Noni?

'Did that ride scare me, Noni?' That was Lissa's question when we were getting off the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. Funny how kids are willing to check with us to see how they are really feeling. Of course, I told her that she was brave and didn't seem scared at all. I know, even at 54, I need to bounce my feelings off those I trust to see where I am and what I need to do.

Just today, I was sitting with Jenn when she found out her tests for cancer came back clean. She figured they would be fine, the doctor told her they should be negative, but it was still such a relief to actually hear the results. This has been an emotional day for me, missing Ryan, worrying about Lissa, aggravated that I haven't accomplished more this summer, and wondering where God wants me working in ministry. Life has just got me weary at the moment. I feel like the fight or should I say motivation has left me and I am back to wanting to make my bed my life. Not good to have a pity party when the sun is shining and there are such amazing people in my life to keep me going. But yet here I sit, wallowing in my duldrums.

My sweet niece read my blog when we were in Flagstaff and kept saying she didn't know how hard life has been for Ron and I. Her comments made me mopey and reflective. I certainly never wrote this blog as a downer, a way to woe is me about my life. Is that what comes across, bitterness, sadness, brokenness? My hope is that what comes across is that my life, like everyone's, is full of hardships and happiness, but that God has stood by me through all the times of my life.

So now, I need to get back to the keyboard and try to see if this writing is connected to the next step in my ministry. God knows what I need to do, it is just my job to stop and listen for His guidance.

Please let me know if you are reading my blog and how and if it is impacting you. I am writing for me, but also wonder if God is leading me to publish them in another place.

In Him,
Joyful
7-27-2010