Be Still And Know That I Am God

 "Be still, and know that I am God!" -Psalm 46:10  This is 1 of the most difficult verses to follow. How often I try to make things happen, as if I am a better fixer upper than my God. Oh Martha, working harder, worrying more, and getting all up in everyone else's business is not what works. Getting on my knees and silently being with Him who can move a mountain is where I need to be. How often I forget that it is not about how hard I try but how much I trust. 


This is a difficult yet wonderful time in my life. I have an enormous amount of blessings that fill my life each and everyday. Yet, I do have troubles. There are some things that will be a part of my life story from now on. Ryan's suicide is irreversible, yet even this, most difficult fact has brought its own blessings along with the anguish. The situations in my life that are continuing to trouble me are harder to accept and turn over to my God. My stubborn will convinces me that I can make outcomes right if I can only convince others to act as I say. This is so hard to let go of because of course I know what is best and everyone else should just shut up and listen. I want to be the shepherd and keep the loved ones in my life as the sheep. Always bowing to my will, my way, the only possible correct course of action. 


I know this is arrogant of me. But, like I said I am so willful. Maybe if I could just get on my knees more often and shut up I could hear God telling me he has this and I can relax. He is God, I am not! Sounds right but then I get all worked up and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my kids can't possibly survive without me telling them what to do at every turn. Ugh! How exhausting to try to control what can't be controlled, what shouldn't be controlled. 


Will they make all the right decisions, maybe not. But they will live with the consequences and rewards of their choices. God has them lovingly in his hands. Bet that is safer than me gripping them tightly in my hands.


Guess I better go put my knees on the carpet and start practicing Psalm 46:10. It will be a battle for this mom to rest in His arms. 


In Him,
Joyful
8-1-2010